Tag Archives: Happiness

PAD 2/26/2013 – Happily Ever After

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“And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there?

 

Live happily ever after now. Actually don’t. Life doesn’t work that way. The phrase “And they lived happily ever after” denies that there is any more story for them, nothing more is to be told about them so in a lot of ways, this is more of a curse than something you should end a story with. Better to end it with something like “And they had many more adventures, thrills, spills, happiness and sorrow. But that is a tale for another time.” instead.

There is a kind of odd finality to “And they lived happily ever after.” as if all their troubles were encompassed by this one event in their lives and after that, it was clear sailing. There never is clear sailing. That’s what life is and it’s far better to teach children that life is full of tumult. Convincing them that life proceeds in the way that “And they lived happily ever after” sets them up for one of life’s biggest disappointments.

I also question the notion that happiness is something that is coming down the pike. It’s a goal? Really? Why can’t happiness be a variable state that you can give yourself permission to feel right now? Declare that you are happy. Voilá! You’re done! I see this over and over again and it bothers me. People get it in their heads that they have to pursue happiness, they have to chase it like it was something to be hunted down. What would happen if you lived your life with the notion that you could simply assert happiness, find it materialize in your hands, and pretend you caught it? Pursue is the wrong word and “happily ever after” is the wrong tense! Happily now. Happy now. Happy now and always.

That’s better.

Memory Lane

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It’s always a surprise what my dreams will bring to me in the night. Tonight’s fare? A trip down memory lane. I was back in college, back at SUNY Buffalo. Walking into my dorm, Clement Hall, on the venerable South Campus. There was the usual warping of memory, some details were utterly wrong but the sense of the place was intact. Lots of memory was dredged up for this dream. Waking up carried little threads back to those memories and I woke up smiling. My time in college was probably the most wonderful, frightening, and liberating thing I’ve ever experienced.

This must be how alumni get those dents in their memories. Dreams bring them a highlight reel to enjoy and then only those memories of the good times get reinforced. You forget about all the goofy awkward junk as it fades and in time you get this antiquing patina on the best of the best of what you remember. I bet in time most alums get around to idealizing what memories remain, deny the awkward stuff and that is why when you recall college you get all warm and fluffy about it. None of the negative, all of the positive.

And this has a sidelight to a greater commentary on memory in general. Taking a trip to Lethe before you get to Styx. There is a blessing, perhaps it’s just that we elect to have it this way, that we are given things like this and go with them. Naturally allowing your memory to fade, recalling the good things, denying (nay eroding) the bad memories and then idealizing the entire structure. A life remembered of only the happiest things. Memories are the context for your present. Perhaps this is one of those keys, brought by dreams, that bears including in a wider discussion on how best to pursue happiness. Not only to live in the present and not be cynical and negative, but also to actively prune the bonsai tree of your memory and trim away the unpleasant memories until all that’s left is a highlight reel of your favorite and most cherished recollections.

Garlic Bread…

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Making your own food and not buying it pre-made often times works out for the best. You save money, you control every aspect of the food and you can avoid many of the chemicals in commercial food processing. To which I have discovered my new favorite Garlic Bread Recipe:

  1. Buy a day-old Vienna loaf, price cut in half because it’s not fresh. You don’t need fresh, not for this.
  2. 1 stick of unsalted (or salted, who the !@#$ cares) warmed in the microwave until it is mashable with a fork, not melted into a bubbling buttery moat.
  3. 2 to 3 heaping tablespoons of minced garlic. I bought my garlic in a pre-minced form, it’s a giant 32oz jar. It’ll last me a little while. People who don’t like Garlic often times don’t like me because I absolutely LOVE Garlic.
  4. A few shakes of Garlic Salt on top of the butter-stick-garlic-pile.
  5. Mash with a fork until you make a paste.
  6. Cut the bread loaf in half, then that half longitudinally. Spread the butter mixture onto each side and put in the oven at 400 degrees until it pleases you.
  7. Cut and serve. Watch as you identify every Vampire in the city, they’ll know what you’ve made and they will flee.

This dish isn’t heart healthy, really, but life is so short anyways – to deny yourself the pleasure of what amounts to being a carbohydrate and fat Garlic Bomb is reprehensible. You aren’t meant to have a long life, just a full one.

Om Nom !@#$ NOM. 🙂