You can’t really have a lot of negative things in your head just mobbing out all the good things that also have happened. To that end, today I have a particular real humor-based life preserver brought to me by the Apple Spotlight twitter account. Pictures are worth a thousand words, and this is worth a million billion bajillion lulz:
This pleases me.
I have a Google Alert set to my name, “Andy McHugh” along with other terms like it and every once in a great while I’ll get traffic that the Google spider comes across that entertains me. This specifically gave me a terrible case of the giggles. It’s andymchugh.com.
I can’t help but wonder if he gets any cross traffic from all the outrageous things I post on the Internet. It’s one of the reasons why if someone does a simple name search they’re not going to find me. They are going to find the 8 Andy McHugh’s in Ireland, the 3 in England, and apparently a gaggle of us here in the States. Like this fellow. I have no idea who he is, but he’s got my name. I like to believe my middle name makes me unique, but I would bet money that over in Ireland there has to be an Andy McHugh with the middle name of Joseph. A batch of good Catholics, come on.
So anyways, it’s funny to notice my telemarketer-confusing last name out there in the world and really funny to see my name as a dot com. A part of me wants to write a comment on his site and say hello, but that may be just a smidgen stalkery.
A Parish magazine caused a storm last night by printing claims fast-food giant McDonald’s was created by Satan. The Rev John Wright published an anonymous article in his bi-monthly newsletter stating dieters craving a Big Mac and fries are being tempted by the Devil.
Mr Wright, vicar of St Mary the Virgin Church in Tetbury, Gloucestershire, whose parishioners include Prince Charles, insisted it was a tongue-in-cheek commentary on people’s fight against the flab.
McDonald’s yesterday insisted it was not the work of Satan.
The article, written by an unknown parishioner in Old Testament-style, also claims the TV remote control, fried potatoes and even the NHS are evil.
It said: “And God populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man would live a long and healthy life.
“But Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the double cheeseburger. And McDonald’s said to Man ‘You want fries with that?’ And Man gained pounds.” Mr Wright said the piece was handed to him by a member of his congregation who suggested he use it in the magazine, but that he did not know who wrote it.
Stress Management Technique
Just in case you’ve had a rough day, here is a stress management
technique
recommended in all the latest psychological texts.
The funny thing is that it really works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called “the
world,”
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
cascade of
serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding
underwater.
Since we didn’t have any real supplies in the house and it was 7pm by the time Scott got out of the gym we decided to skip making dinner and just go out. On our way out we picked up Miah and went to Olde Peninsula. After our meal, and some rather dull cider (which was not their fault, but was a matter of trying something new that flopped) we decided to go see a movie. The movie Bridesmaids was playing at Rave and we all were able to catch it at the student rate, which is $5 per person.
We got to the theater and found seats, the previews came on and they were mostly forgettable. Then the movie started. On the whole the movie Bridesmaids has some very funny and touching moments, but underneath those moments there is a undercurrent of depression. Along with that darkness there is also a kind of black dread that fogs the movie, all the characters are like velveteen rabbits that have been soiled and left in a dumpster to be pecked to pieces by wildlife. It appears as though a movie these days cannot be considered hilarious unless the actors make complete social buffoons of themselves. Many of the sequences felt like elaborate jokes where the writers wanted to set-up the characters like dominoes and tip one over and watch the entire set collapse for the merriment of the audience. To make any of this believable you have to imagine that the people in this movie are at best contrived playthings and at worst, caricatures of truly horrible broken human beings. I laughed at many of the situations depicted in the movie, but afterwards I felt bad about what I laughed at. It felt a lot like standing in a mob and laughing at some poor wounded creature that was struggling for the side of the road so it wouldn’t be run over again. Nobody could put this movie out of it’s misery and so we had to sit through it. While I laughed at parts of this movie, I felt like I had been fleeced. The $5 per ticket price was actually too high for a movie as reprehensible as this one. The primary engine of “Bridesmaids” is the comedy of misery and it leaves you less of a person after you see it than you were when you walked in. The only saving grace is that the movie was a contrivance, that the actors really aren’t this way, that people aren’t trapped in misery that deep.
Bridesmaids is connected to Apatow, and so was The Anchorman, which had a very similar feel. Both movies are soiled productions that rely on the most piquant social awkwardness possible to jam the audience into a very uncomfortable position and then whip a gag out on them to make them laugh. People come away smiling and laughing but also hurt in the exchange.
After watching Bridesmaids, I am done with Mr. Judd Apatow. Much like I am done with “The Anchorman” Will Ferrell. I will not see any other movies with either of their names on it. I’m tired of being entertained in one move and abused in another.
Bridesmaids, Zero out of Ten Stars.
Family Recommendation: Avoid at all costs. Do not view, stream, or rent.