The flight from Albany to Chicago went exceptionally well, despite the carrier being United Airlines. The flight boarded on time, took off on time, and we arrived about ten minutes early. The only issues with the flight was the heating system was stuck at 80 degrees making the aft section uncomfortably warm. I commented that we were actually in steerage class and a few passengers around us chuckled at that. Titanic jokes never go out of style.

Getting from our gate to Parking Lot E was more of a challenge. O’Hare’s signage for the economy parking lots leaves a LOT to be desired, eventually we got to where we needed to be but we took the scenic path too far, which tested everyones sense of patience. We got to the car, it was right where we left it, and $154 dollars later (parking is ass-pensive!) we left O’Hare.

Our next stop was to get to Joy’s Noodle Company which is in boystown, one block from Lakeshore Drive. After some ranging about looking for parking (a challenge in the Santa Fe) we eventually found a spot and had a wonderful dinner with our friends Jeffery and Sean. After that we got back to the Santa Fe, got to I-90, then went from Chicago, via the Skyway, along the highway and just after we entered Michigan I felt my nemesis crowding around my consciousness.

My driving nemesis is night driving along dull interstate roads. I tend to get worn out quickly with these straight stretches of nothing, no conversations, nothing to do but drive and listen to whatever was on the radio and interminably wait for us to reach our destination. I am renowned for dozing at the wheel, and so far the rumble strips and terrified passengers are enough to keep me going – but what really scares me, even more than the dozing is trance driving. It’s different than simply being narcoleptic, my eyes are open but nobody is home. I’m conscious but wholly unaware. It’s a huge source of concern for me because I can so easily imagine myself dying at my own hands because I was in one of these situations.

A few months ago I made a pre-new-years-resolution that I would have my car always stocked with a number of “5 Hour Energy” shots. I’ve tried other chemicals before, sugar, caffeine, sugar bound with caffeine, food, brisk walks around the car, jogs, you name it. They all help temporarily but I almost always fall into the same trap I always do. The sugar gives me a huge lift and then I crash even harder when my system burns through it. The caffeine eventually starts to hurt my stomach (caffeine pills), and when I try to bind the two together, like in soda pop I find myself okay for a time but need to use the facilities a LOT, as caffeine keeps me awake and then acts as a diuretic. Sugar, Water, Caffeine, and damn it all to hell, I have to pee again.

I can’t express how happy I am with the 5 hour energy shots. They are loaded with massive quantities of B Vitamins, some caffeine and very little sugar. It’s the magic brew that keeps me up and at ‘em for as long as I need to be running a motor vehicle. So when I drive, like I did tonight, and I start to yawn a lot and feel the power start to fade and my eyes start to get heavy I peel the security plastic off a 5-hour, unscrew the cap and down the entire shot. I’m sure there is a placebo effect also at play here, if I believe that the shot will help then it will, even if the chemicals in the shot cannot make their way into my system within say 10 seconds of taking the shot. My brain, in anticipation of what the shot does for me must give me a wee boost right up front, so it hits me pretty much right after my last swallow is complete.

That feeling of having heavy eyelids, the tiredness in my neck, and my yawning cease almost instantly. I am awake, I am alert, and so far I’ve never sensed an instance of trance driving while hopped up on a 5-hour. So this is my solution. These little shots are the way I can cope with my body telling me that at 10pm after a whole day of flying around creation that it’s time to sleep and SLEEP NOW. I can take a shot and subvert it, at least temporarily.

So now I have a new rule. I cannot operate a motor vehicle without at least one available 5-hour energy shot somewhere in the car with me. I almost never need it, but for those times when I’m driving along and I feel that droopy feeling coming on out it comes. If I don’t have a shot handy, then it’s time to stop at a rest area or a gas station to tend to the supply problem.

I think that every state, in rest areas should have a 5-hour-energy vending machine in operation. Set it to $2 a shot and impress upon motorists the dangers of accidental unconsciousness and what these 5-hours can do for them. A life saved by not passing out at the wheel is worth a measly $2.

So here I am, still a little lit-up from my 5-hour shot, writing a blog post and cradling a very needy cat. Thankfully he has forgiven me for being away so long, it can be challenging to blog while your cat is trying to brace himself against your hand with his paw. Life is hard. 🙂