From 12/14/2007

It all began earlier tonight. We drove into our driveway with our fake christmas tree in the front window stooped over like a drunken sailor. We discovered to our chagrin that this plastic base had warped and cracked from the stress of holding up this fake tree and all it’s ornaments and had toppled while we were out.

I had a flash of handiness and decided to haul out to the garage and set up the power miter saw. Once I figured out how to get the spring arm to pop up so I could use it it was just a matter of finding two 2×4’s that were long enough. I found two, exactly 16” long. I left one alone and cut the other in half, allowing for the 2×4’s width, which is 3.5. Silly wood. So I cut the 2×4’s to shape and headed downstairs. How to get these to turn into a christmas tree stand was a challenge. I needed something with strength to hold all the pieces together. The perfect way would be to cut a groove into both original 2×4’s so they would fit together like a matched set, but I don’t have a radial arm saw to accomplish that feat, so instead, and without the next option which would have been nails and metal brackets and reinforcing triangles I decided to toenail the pieces together, used up about 15 nails, not a pretty or proud job, but it did the trick. I thought about drilling the hole for the post that the fake tree was going to fit into and it hit me, I just needed another 2×4 small piece on top that could ride over the base and keep it together. I pounded 15 more nails into the bastard and at that point it was acceptably together.

Then came the hole. I had regular drill bits that went up to “big size” but that wasn’t anywhere near the hole I needed to make. I found a kit with hole bits and pulled the 3/8ths, the 5/8ths, and the 7/8ths bits. I ran upstairs and put the bits in the dead plastic stand and the 7/8’s just barely fit and rotated around. The post was just shy of 7/8ths. I got my “dangerous and cheap” drill since my cordless drill is deader than a doornail and put the bit in, then went to town. It dug out a nice pretty hole right in the center where I wanted it. I shook the drilled wood out and brought it upstairs. The tree? Fwomp! Down into the hole nice and easy, like it was meant to be there. The wooden stand? Pleasantly hiding just underneath a christmas tree skirt.

That sum-bitch won’t fall over now! Of course if anyone with an ounce of woodworking skills or handiness took at look at it they’d likely puke a little in their mouths. Nails jammed in, some pounded down with about 1/4” of their heads laying on the wood (I got impatient) and still other ones with nice round impact impressions of the hammer I used to drive the nails. It’s NOT PRETTY, but dammit, it’s solid and I dare say could survive a hurricane, especially since I unloaded about 35 nails into the damn thing, it’s 80% 2×4 and 20% nail. 🙂

I am quite proud of myself, even if it’s an eldritch horror of woodworking. 🙂