Last night I had an accident. I was slicing radishes with a mandoline slicer and as I was working along I was going to fast and accidentally took an 1/4 inch slice from the blade on my right thumb. I wasn’t using the included safety chuck because I was in a hurry and didn’t care enough. So here I am with half a thumb that doesn’t work properly.
I started to notice just how many places a thumb is useful. Browsing an iPad? Yeah, a challenge. Try tying shoelaces or buttoning pants. It’s quite marvelous to see just how many places your thumb shows up as a key player. You never really think about it until it’s bleeding all over you and screaming in pain.
It was comic watching me cope last night after I had so savagely sliced myself for dinner. My consistent response is to get really quiet and run away. Specifically to the bathroom. Got pressure on the cut and then I was struggling with the instant bandage kit from Band-Aid. Usually that’s where I go to when I have a rather smooth slice from a knife or mandoline. Quietly cussing and swearing and getting more and more upset as I was fumbling with the little applicator and trying to unscrew the tiny tube of glue that serves as the instant bandage. In my minds eye I was entertaining images of hunting down the bright bulbs at Band-Aid who designed the package and the materials the way they did and after a good and healthy beating, throw them a kit and see how they cope. Difficult to manage huh? Yeah it is! Ye bastards! But I was able to find a butterfly (or whatever the hell you call it) bandage and that took care of my leaking issue for the night.
Damn thing fell off this morning though, but it wasn’t bleeding anymore, now it’s just nasty looking and tender to the touch. And before anyone gets all worked up about what “nasty looking” is, it isn’t infected and it’s not in pain, so put down your WebMD and back away slowly from crazy-town. I don’t need to see a doctor.
What amazes me is how important hands are and what a terrible joke played upon us by a creator (if he has the audacity to exist) that the most important things in life are the most prone to horrible terrible nasty damage. It’s almost as if, if there was a God, that it’s a very old joke that he smiles over when he’s sitting all alone.