Category Archives: Review

In Pursuit of Beard

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When I was much younger, in my teens, I attempted to grow a beard. It was mostly born out of curiosity, how it would come in, what it would look like, and how other people would react to it. I never had the most common issues, which is patchy growth or thin wispy scruff growing in where real hair should be. My hair was rough, strong, and exceedingly curly. Of course, when I was a callow youth I didn’t know enough to actually care for a beard, to style it and maintain it, to direct it. So when it came in, I appeared all a mess. Because it came in super curly and practically kinky, forming ringlets all by itself, I endured light mockery about being a hodgepodge of lanky button-nosed Irish dope mixed in with a Hassidic Jew. So I got scissors, trimmed it as far as I could, and then shaved it all off.

The response to that still rings in my ears, “Oh God! What have you done! Grow it back!”

So for years and years I pursued a standard goatee, shaving inconsistently because I never really felt like my appearance was anything worth fretting over, so I’d get scruffy, then neat, then scruffy, then neat, with little forays into yeti territory with event-driven neatening up. I also had a cheap and trashy pair of Conair buzzers that I would use on my own head to give myself haircuts. Ever since I was 13 and went on a trip to Florida with family, I blundered into the buzz cut and never looked back. That made self-maintenance a ten minute trip in the bathroom with a subsequent small hair explosion as I tossed my hair cuttings outside after I was done buzzing everything down. I did this for years and years.

As I aged, the same firm flow of testosterone that gave me my voice, and really fast growing facial hair also began to kill off the hair on my head. Male pattern baldness, which I’ve romantically referred to as “Sexy Bald Captain” after Patrick Stewart in his role as Captain Picard on Star Trek. I have made easy peace with balding. I could attempt any sort of coping mechanism or I could accept it. I elected to accept it.

So, fast forward years and years forward. My partner, Scott, started to grow out his beard first, and it was a certain curiosity to see how it would play out. Right along this time, during a thoughtless session of self-maintenance with the aforementioned trashy Conair buzzers, I went about giving myself a haircut. Absentmindedness led to me forgetting the usual 7mm guard on the buzzer and I took the first swipe, from the temple back, and the buzzer did its duty and sheared off the hair, practically right down to the skin. I took my goof to a professional place, a Great Clips, and they helped salvage my look from my absentmindedness by leveraging what I had done into a new style, a faded cut with a buzz on top. The reception of this new look was shockingly positive, which was a rather big surprise to me, leading me to think “Why did none of you mention this before!”

After the style recovery, Scott had made contact with a local barber in our city, who runs Junior’s Old School Barber Shop. As Scott was going to seriously pursue a beard and wanted expert care and guidance. We went together the first time, and as I sat there, pretty much an audience to the proceedings, I learned more about beard care in that ten minutes than I knew for all the years leading up to that moment. I felt like I could perhaps give it another shot myself, with the ringing chuckles in my ear about it coming back in ringlets and looking like a transporter accident between a Irish sheepherder and a Hassidic Jew. It was Scott inspiring me, and Junior with his teaching and instruction that led me to where I am now.

I had no idea about all the things that I could explore, and try out, with what nature was always trying to give me. For all the facial hair growth, not a single follicle will ever come back on my head. So perhaps it was time to see where I could take a beard myself. Properly inspired, and myself a new customer for Junior and his Barber Shop I let the wild take me.

I never thought I would be this pleased with myself. The feel of it is hard to describe. It feels nice to fiddle and futz with the growth, the longer it gets the more interesting the sensations become. As I learned more and more, starting with Junior’s advice and observing Scott pursuing his beard options, I started my own exploration. A trip down the beardy rabbit hole.

The things I didn’t know were washes, balms, and conditioners. I also had no concept of a boars hair brush. I just thought of brushes as things that my mother and sister had, paddles on handles that would help them discover snarls and knots in their hair and lead to crying and cursing. A whole new collection of things were now open and ready for me to explore, things devoted to help what I was quickly growing to grow in straighter, smoother, easier to manage, and more pleasant to have and to touch. Thankfully my IRS refund arrived just as I was looking at the pile of new possibilities. There are many brands, many makers, and as many formulations all promising a variety of positive outcomes. Junior recommended the Reuzel brand, and specifically the Reuzel Beard Balm. That’s when it struck me that there was an entirely new class of personal care products that not only could do good things for me, but also give me a very enticing and attractive scent that I absolutely loved. I think what really tipped the scales, more than the inspiration and the learning was feeling what a good Boars Hair Brush can do. From the first moment I tried it, with the Reuzel Balm, the condition of my beard improved and the sensation of using the brush became a kind of indulgent pleasure. Now I carry my brush around with me everywhere I go and if I have some time to myself, using it has become a delight.

I then visited Junior myself, with what nature was handing me and he helped me bring style into my life. He gave me guidance and suggestions, and now I can’t imagine going anywhere else to get my hair cut, my beard trimmed, and all the other careful and delightful things that a excellent barber does for his clients.

I have since then explored more products in this arena. It started with the Reuzel Beard Balm, but now it has branched out to Honest Amish Beard Conditioner, which is much looser than the Reuzel Balm, and has the unique scent somewhere between Pumpkin Pie and Honey. I also have Beardoholic Conditioning Beard Oil, which is unscented but still works delightfully well. I have also purchased and enjoy Beardsley Beard Conditioner, which hilariously gives me the distinct aroma of a fruit salad. I am also quite fond of Lush Cosmetics Kalamazoo Beard Wash and Conditioner. The last thing I bought for myself was a beard comb, not that my brush wasn’t doing wonders for me, and it was, but I thought that a nice comb designed for the very hair I was trying to grow would be a smart move, and it definitely was. It is made of sandalwood, and the scent of that is pleasant in its own distinct way. I selected the Hundred Beard Company Comb.

All of these people, and wonderful products, have all worked together to give me a wonder. I couldn’t imagine ever living without a beard now, and if you are local in Michigan, I would make the trip to visit Junior. If not, finding a barber like him would be the best way to start. There is so much they can teach us all.

Lastly, a picture of yours truly, with the hard work and careful conditioning that all of this has resulted in, at least up to this point:

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The First Purge

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The First Purge was an ok movie, kind of blunt and chunky. The plot was a ice-cream truck, you could hear its sing-song tune from miles away.
 
Pretty spot on themes, like ripped from the headline themes. America post Nero the Pigfucker, circling the drain, and what comes of that. Funny how they got a doughy-faced actor who bears an uncanny resemblance to Tucker Carlson to play the role of the political slimeball.
 
There is a bit of a conversation piece to the movie as well, a showcase for what could be a natural consequence/sink for trickle-down economics. Beyond all the gunplay and stabbing, it ties off trickle-down economics with a possible solution, especially trickle-down with the current seasoning of kleptocracy that we have now.
 
Reverse Robin Hood, steal from the poor, give to the rich, while the discontent grows in the poor class, they are too uneducated and dim to understand where their anger should be directed, so it just floats about like an aimless fog. Then you have the premise of Purge Culture thrown on top, an ignition and a tacit approval of lawlessness for one night. It’s almost downright poetic, after trickle-down economics strangles the economy and creates an immense sea of angry poor people, the 99%, encourage them to kill each other in one night of Purge.
 
The movie franchise itself doesn’t really stab at this, it only hints at it. Much like a lot of other things in our world, folk don’t really think it is that bad, because how could it? That’s not what America is. Until you trip and fall off the edge and catch glimpses that not only is it as bad as you feared, but it is much worse and much more pervasive and inescapable. In some ways, we are actually already past the drain-hole and heading down the pipe, we just don’t really get it yet.
 
With these movies, the culture is expressing this novelty, so it is a part of our common cultural discourse now. The media plays for us like a magic mirror, showing us aspects of ourselves in many different ways. You can see it in movies, like this franchise, as well as in popular news media with the monomaniacal passion for equal time and balance. There is good and bad in every story, good and bad with everyone, and a heaping pile of bad requires at least lip-service to something good, even  if it must be ginned up to get it over the hurdle.
I don’t really think we’ll ever have a purge culture, but it is fascinating to watch the magic mirror play this out for us as it does.

FreeBSD 11.1

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Every few months I take a little time out and evaluate the GPL/BSD Linux(y) space for readiness and usability. Always these operating systems prove themselves out quite handily for their indigenous niche, which is behind the scenes and in server rooms.

I like to evaluate systems like these to see if they’ll ever be ready for a breakout performance on the much more visible stage of front-room existence.

I start with VirtualBox on my MacBook Pro. I provide every VM about 4GB of RAM, about 40GB  of storage, and the understanding of what installation on a limited medium like this means for any OS. I won’t be pulling punches about raw performance, because in a VM, performance is not a priority. I evaluate these systems with the idea of “Mr. Average User” in my mind. How can “Mr. Average User” carry on with whatever I review?

Starting with FreeBSD 11.1, the installer was textual which was perfectly fine if a little low-brow. Most users are much more comfortable with pretty graphical installers right from the beginning. One oddity was that the FreeBSD boot manager did not detect the installation media and make the right choice to boot to the VM’s Virtual HD after primary installation was successful. I had to halt the system, remove the installation media, and start it again. Honestly if you were looking at a physical computer, the end user would likely remove the installation media from the USB port or DVD drive anyways, so this isn’t a problem. It does bear that Linux handles this much more elegantly.

The base system installs with CLI entry only. There is no GUI option, you have to resort to Google to get to that point. The command is fine, however getting into root if you don’t know how to by using “su” from a default install doesn’t work, your end-user account isn’t defaulted into the sudoers file, this could have been eliminated if I had added the right group to the plain user account, like “sudoers”, however I am unsure if FreeBSD follows that convention or not. In any case, all of this immediately drops the user into Google-Fu. We’ve already lost the most basic users now, and we’re only carrying on with those that have some geek experience.

Getting to the GUI level is a rather involved process. The nature of BSD has always been couched in my experience as “You get the system you asked for explicitly, not the one you implicitly assumed you would get.” So an installation of X comes with the core system and twm, a zero-frills window manager. Also, there are basic commands that need to be added with using the pkg tool, like vim and screen, although that is a lot less of a problem since other Linux platforms also don’t include some of these packages as default throw-ins. You have to install X, then you have to install your special Window Manager choice, like gnome3 for example. The actual installation is hands-off, which is very good to see, but users must come to FreeBSD with the notion that you aren’t going to get a polished Ford Mustang with just one ask. You should expect a stripped out Ford Fiesta without doors, first, and then add on extra components until you build yourself up to a Mustang.

I was finally able to get a Gnome3 X-Windows system up and running, only had to Google a few items, like adding my standard user to the wheel group for access to the su command, and then adding sudo and configuring that, to make it easier to add more software. There wasn’t any software management system in Gnome3, but I didn’t really look that hard for one either. The pkg installation routine is easy to understand and works well, generally. The one issue I did notice was that the mouse was quite difficult to use, but I expect that there would be some issues where it was a VM and I was asking it to run a lot of stuff all at once.

I find myself frequently referring to a metaphor from HG Wells’ Time Machine book. There are Morlocks and Eloi, and how the two groups can mingle as a way to discuss how these operating systems can be used by the two different kinds of people. FreeBSD is very much a Morlock system. There is no way a Morlock could find its way into an elevator, pick the surface, and have afternoon tea with an Eloi in terms of FreeBSD. In an Eloi’s viewpoint, FreeBSD is a smooth black box that makes little rattling noises, but beyond that is almost totally inert and worthless.

As always, FreeBSD is best for deep back office tasks. It has a lot of technical greatness, from the ZFS file system to the Fortuna PRNG, but it is best left to the basement level for the Morlocks to use. It would make an excellent server, but a terrible workstation.

 

 

TWSBI Fountain Pen

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A few months ago while talking with a friend about technology the conversation turned to throwback items that we enjoy using. I brought up my fondness for fountain pens, which always seems to surprise people. The idea of a pen as a writing instrument goes back a really long time. Around the turn of the last century, there was an explosion in patents related to fountain pens and how they hold and dispense ink as you write. After my conversation with my friend, I was inspired to go shopping a little bit. I had some money that I set aside for small little gifts to myself that I had set aside over the past number of years. I never really touch it, so the money sits in my accounts. I came across a company that sells a highly regarded fountain pen, called TWSBI. As I got to browsing the options on Amazon, I looked at my Lamy branded Fountain Pen and realized that it was good as entry level pens go, but I wanted to move up a notch. TWSBI seemed a good option. The pen I selected was the TWSBI Diamond 580AL Silver Fountain Pen with the medium nib. I also got the “Broad Nib” as many reviewers expressed pleasure at writing with both.

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TWSBI 580AL Fountain Pen

I have to say that writing with it is quite an experience. I started writing with fountain pens back in college and found that the way the ink flows beat any other sort of pen hands down. Plus the way the nib moves on good paper makes writing longhand a pleasure. It can still work on rough stock, but it struggles with the rough material, and there is more skritch-skritch-skritch while writing on some of the lowest class papers out there.

The Lamy I have uses a piston-convertible insertable tank, while the TWSBI has its piston tank built into the frame of the pen itself. I find that the TWSBI holds more ink, way more ink than my Lamy ever did.

Another little bit to note, fountain pens aren’t meant for left-hand writers as far as I know. The ink doesn’t dry fast enough for the way a lot of left-handed writers have to use a pen. Although I don’t have many folks I know that are left-handed writers, so there is no way to see if they could use it or not without making a mess of their hands with the ink.

If you have a little bit of spending money, this pen can go a long way in both its look and its function to add a little something to your workaday life. It won’t solve problems or anything like that, but it is something nice to have that a lot of people appreciate. I always chuckle to myself when people remark on how I use a fountain pen, and what I do for a living, which makes people think I should be keyboard bound. Sometimes old things peak, and iterations afterward are all downhill from that peak. In a lot of ways, just like Windows 2000. LOL.

Google Schmoogle

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Today is a day for Google to let me down. Generally, a lot of technology companies end up in the same dustbin. They always promise some glittering awesomeness, but when you start to engage with them, you discover that the awesome is rather half-baked. In this particular case, the first two Google technologies were their Music Play property and Android.

Google Music, or Google Play, whatever it’s called, has a lot of the music that I uploaded from my iTunes when I still had music files that I used to play on my iPod. My musical use has migrated to streaming technology, specifically Spotify for which I am very pleased with. I often times miss my old iPod with my music loaded on it. There was something about the shuffle feature on my old iPod Nano that fascinated me. The old shuffler felt almost psychic or at least sensitive to my environment and conditions. I think it is because the device had its RNG on-device and it was a wearable device. There is something still there I think, and I think back on it fondly. A lot of my music is on Google Music, and today I thought I might uncork some of it. I opened my Safari browser and discovered that Google Music doesn’t work without Adobe Flash. As a general rule of thumb, I don’t use Adobe products at all if I can help it, and that is especially true of Adobe Flash. There was a point in the past where you could have installed HTML 5 on the Google Music site, but Google has since eliminated that option as far as I can tell. So, strike one for Google.

The next strike came when I tried to use my Samsung Galaxy Nook device. This device is loaded with Google’s Android operating system, and I’ve railed against this before. In this particular case, it is related somewhat to the dead horse I keep on beating in regards to Google Android. I had my Nook open, and I was trying to use it. The interface is sluggish as hell, but I have grown to accept that. There is an app I have on my Nook, it’s called “Clean Master” and it’s designed to be a system maintainer for Android. From my experience, paired up with what I’ve seen claimed by “Clean Master” application is that Android is a wet hot mess. Every time I use the app, it finds 350MB or more of “Junk files”, and does scans for “Obsolete APKs.” This scan takes an exceptionally long time. So I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole with the device, trying to get it “cleaned up” because it’s “dirty”. This application is dutifully chugging away, apparently just circling around the same batch of directories for about ten minutes accomplishing nothing. I tap the big button at the bottom. “STOP”. Nothing happens. I then tap it a few more times. “STOP”. “STOP”. “STOP”. In the end it was a comedy, and I started to mumble “STAHP” to the device. At the top of the application is another control that says “Advanced Settings” thinking maybe I could turn the scan for “Obsolete APKs” off. Nope. Tap, nothing, tap, nothing. Tap tap tap tap tap tap. The device stops working altogether and then boop, new screen and it’s back to working! But the options there are useless. So then I try to use the “Home” button, and the Nook just dwells there, thinking. about. it. Then the Home switcher screen appears, and I make the throwaway gesture to get rid of “Clean Master” app. There is “nothing” running on the device, but it’s mostly just sluggish as hell.

So that is what informs my opinions about these companies. Google, Samsung, and Apple. I include Apple because I have a lot of Apple devices, and they don’t behave like this. Even with two giant corporations working together, Google and Samsung, they can’t even touch on what Apple does. My iPhone 6 behaves for me, mostly, and in comparison, it is far better than what Samsung and Google bring to the table. My chief issue is the disconnect between the hardware stats, the Samsung is supposed to have more resources than the Apple products, so it comes down to the OS? It may simply be a fight between iOS and Android in the end. To really focus on my issue, it is all about user interrupt. On my iPhone, the user interrupt, which is to say the events that the user wishes take top priority. The interface is “snappy” and “gets my wishes” and “performs”. Whereas in Android, the user input seems to be treated like a queued wishlist that the user inputs and waits for the device to act on if it wants to, or not. I know it’s not designed to behave this way, or at least it shouldn’t. But the behavior is what informs my opinions. I’ve got an Apple device that is snappy and responsive to me versus a Samsung/Android Nook that seems to want to do its own thing. There is another company represented, and that’s B&N. Mostly at this point I think of B&N as a bystander. They aren’t really involved anymore with Samsung or Android, they’re just marketing books through a channel, and they happened to choose this channel. For what the Samsung Galaxy tablet is, it’s core function that I use it for, which is an eBook reader, it is satisfactory. For a general use tablet or a mobile device capable of more than just eBooks, though? No. And I can’t understand why people who use Android accept this behavior so blindly. Perhaps that’s what being a fan is all about. If you are fond of the underdog, the scrappy alley fighter, then I suppose Android has some romance to it. You want the sad, somewhat over-concussed street-fighter who sometimes pisses himself and forgets his name to come out on top in the end and win the day.

So with these two starting experiences today, the answer is to lower your expectations. I expected too much of Google and of Samsung. The device is just a simple eBook reader, it really can’t be anything else. I will never willfully purchase another Android device, so there isn’t any reason to declare that Android is dead to me, it was dead on arrival after all. The only thing that I can say is that other people seem to enjoy it, and in the end that’s all that matters. After seeing what this Samsung Galaxy can do, I don’t understand the why behind Android’s success, but they are successful and in that, well, that’s good. It’s just not for me.

As for the music, I again lower my expectations. Instead of searching for some way to access my Google Music without Adobe Flash, I’m instead going to try an application that can help me migrate my music collection off to a Spotify playlist, maybe. In that, I have very little faith, and I’ll probably just give up and stop thinking about it altogether. I find myself not really fighting about technology anymore. I find that I’m more apt just to turn it off, put it in a drawer and forget about it for a few decades. If I were a technology company, I would really love to find out what kind of technologies people have put in their drawers and forgotten about, and find out why. That would create a great laundry list of things “not to do” when devising new technologies.

Network Monitoring

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I’m in the middle of a rather protracted evaluation of network infrastructure monitoring software. I’ve started looking at Paessler’s PRTG, also SolarWinds Orion product and in January I’ll be looking at Ipswitch’s products.

I also started looking at Nagios and Cacti. That’s where the fun-house mirrors start. The first big hurdle is no cost vs. cost. The commercial products mentioned before are rather pricey while Nagios and Cacti are GPL, and open sourced, principally available for no cost.

With PRTG, it was an engaging evaluation however I ran into one of the first catch-22’s with network monitoring software, that Symantec Endpoint Protection considers network scanning to be provocative, and so the uneducated SEP client blocks the poller because it believes it to be a network scanner. I ran into a bit of a headache with PRTG as the web client didn’t register changes as I expected. One of the things that I have come to understand about the cost-model network products is that each one of them appears to have a custom approach to licensing. Each company approaches it differently. PRTG is based on individual sensor, Orion is based on buckets, and I can’t readily recall Ipswitches design, but I think it was based on nodes.

Many of these products seem to throw darts at the wall when it comes to their products, sometimes hit and sometimes miss. PRTG was okay, it created a bumper crop of useless alarms, Solarwinds Orion has an exceptionally annoying network discovery routine, and I haven’t uncorked Ipswitch’s product yet.

I don’t know if I want to pay for this sort of product. Also, it seems that this is one of those arrangements that if I bite on a particular product, I’ll be on a per-year budget cost treadmill for as long as I use the product unless I try the no-cost options.

This project may launch a new blog series, or not, depending on how things turn out. Looking online didn’t pan out very much. There is somewhat of a religious holy war surrounding these products. Some people champion the GPL products; other people push the solution they went with when they first decided on a product. It’s funny but now that I care about the network, I’m coming to the party rather late. At least, I don’t have to worry about the hot slag of “alpha revision software” and much of the provider space seems quite mature.

I really would like anyone who works in the IT industry to please comment with your thoughts and feelings about this category if you have any recommendations or experiences. I’m keenly aware of what I call “show-stopper” issues.

Peer to Peer File Transfer, Reep.io

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I recently needed to move about ten gigabytes of data from me to a friend and we used a new website service called reep.io. It’s quite a neat solution. It relies on a technology that has exists in many modern browsers, like Chrome, Firefox, and Opera called WebRTC.

The usual way to move such a large set of data from one place to another would probably best be mailing a USB memory stick or waiting to get together and then just sneaker-net the files from one place to another. The issue with a lot of online services that enable people to transfer files like this is that many of them are limited. Most of the online offerings cap out at around two gigabytes and then ask you to register either for a paid or free account to transfer more data. Services like Dropbox exist, but you need the storage space to create that public link to hand to your friend so they can download the data, plus it occupies the limited space in your Dropbox. With reep.io, there is no middleman. There are no limits. It’s browser to browser and secured by TLS. Is that a good thing? It’s better than nothing. The reason I don’t like any of the other services, even the free-to-use-please-register sites is because there is always this middleman irritation in the way, it’s inconvenient. Always having to be careful not to blow the limit on the transfer, or if it’s a large transfer like ten gigabytes, chopping up the data into whatever bite-sized chunk the service arbitrarily demands is very annoying.

To use this site, it’s dead simple. Visit reep.io, and then either click and drag the file you want to share or click on the File Add icon area to bring up a file open dialog box and find the file you want to share. Once set, the site generates a link that you can then send to anyone you wish to engage with a peer-to-peer file exchange. As long as you leave your browser running, the exchange will always work with that particular link. You don’t need any extra applications, and it works across platforms, so a Windows peer can send a file to a Mac client, for example. That there is no size limit is a huge value right there.

If you have a folder you want to share, you can ZIP it up and share that file. It’s easy to use, and because there are no middlemen, there aren’t any accounts to create, and thanks to TLS, nobody peeping over your shoulder.

Geek Excursions: BitMessage

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Along with my curiosity surrounding Bitcoin, there is a similar technology that has been released for public use called BitMessage. This system is a really neat way to securely communicate in a secure method that involves absolutely no trust whatsoever. It’s a completely decentralized email infrastructure and has captured a lot of my spare attention. BitMessage works a lot like how Bitcoin does, you can create email addresses on the fly, they are a long sequence of random characters that your system can display because you have both a public key and a private key. In a lot of ways BitMessage deals with the biggest problem surrounding PGP/GPG, which is key management. Nobody really wants to manage keys or use the system because it’s extra work. Plus even with PGP/GPG, your identity is written on your keys for everyone to see.

Getting started with BitMessage is a snap. First you need to download the BitMessage client, and you can get that at bitmessage.org. There’s a Windows and Mac client available, you can start it and be instantly attached to the BitMessage network, ready to create new “BitMessage Addresses” and throw them away just as easily. So, for example, you could reach me by sending me a BitMessage to this address: BM-2cWAk99gBxdAQAKYQGC5Gbskon21GdT29X. When you send a message using BitMessage, its to this address and from an address that your client makes, so the conversation occurs securely and since every node has a copy of the data it’s impossible to tell who is getting what information. I think an even more secure method would be to cross BitMessage with a PGP/GPG key. The only problem with a key like that is that classically PGP/GPG keys require that you include your email address as a subkey so that you can be identified by a human-readable email address when looking for your public key or when someone else is looking for it, to verify a signature for example. The PGP/GPG system doesn’t require an email address, you can of course create a public and private keypair using PGP/GPG and make the email address up from whole cloth, and instead just let people know the key ID that you want them to use. So technically if Alice wanted to secretly communicate with me, we could give each other our public keys to start and then use BitMessage as the messaging mule. I don’t see how any eavesdropper could make sense out of any of that data flow. It’s unclear what the contents are, the PGP/GPG encryption keeps the contents of the message secure, and BitMessage itself seriously obfuscates if not outright eliminates being able to tell where the messages are ultimately going to or coming from.

I have to admit that BitMessage is very user friendly and very handy to have. My only issue with it is that I don’t know anyone who uses it, but perhaps this blog post will change that. If you are interested in this bleeding-edge crypto/privacy software, I encourage you to chat me up on BitMessage for serious matters or for fun.

Apple Watch

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On September 9th, 2014 Apple unveiled their iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Pay and Apple Watch to the world. It was a really poorly kept secret that Apple was working on a wristwatch, so nobody was really surprised when Apple came out with their new designs. All we didn’t know what to what extent Apple was going to go with the technology.

They released more details on Apple Watch. The more I learned about the device the less I found myself thinking it was a good idea. There are so many places where this new watch is a problem.

Humans Have Limited Attention

We haven’t learned how to properly cope with the iPhone and now Apple is going to release an even more disruptive and attention-stealing device on the population. I’ve heard stories of crackdowns in Chicago where the police were pulling over people who were using their mobile devices while they should be driving their motor vehicles, and then learn that on the heels of the crackdown that the police recorded nearly everyone was breaking the law. Pulling over those people would have effectively shut down the entire highway! We just do not have the proper respect for all the technology in our lives, we cannot cope with these bright shiny attention-stealing devices while we are in command of an even larger device that requires our undivided attention at all times. So now Apple is going to put something even brighter and shinier on our wrists and we’re going to have what little attention that is left between our vehicles and our mobile devices divided again by this cleverness strapped to our wrists.

The tight integration between iPhones and Apple Watch will make our addictions to these devices even more challenging to master as well. Many people I know have a very hard time disconnecting from their devices anyways, now that there is an intimate extension of that device that we wear? I can only see this getting worse for those people who want others attention when we are all physically together. I’ve heard anecdotal stories where entire families sit in one room but nobody talks to anyone else because they are all besotted with their technology. What will this mean when the technology is always with us and on our wrists?

Haptics

The Apple Watch, a wearable device includes technology that includes haptics, or the sense of motion or vibration, both in the user interface with the light tap versus the deep press and the vibrating device buried deep into the watch itself. This will only worsen our abilities to control our attention and in itself is a place where we are going to have trouble. The watch can be paired to another watch and send heartbeats across the network, it’s Apple’s romantic notion of intimate communication. I can foresee a paired watch between a married couple and the husband feels his wifes pulse quicken, he worries that she’s having a stroke or a heart attack and rushes home to find a strange car in his driveway and a strange man in his bed. Cheating spouses is just the tip of the iceberg, this watch could be used to cheat in so many other places – cheat at the Casino with a complicated card-counting or odds-calculating routine piped into the players Apple Watch, or exam cheating by looking at the watch and seeing the letters for the answers appear as drawings on the Apple Watches screen.

How will these situations play out? For cheating spouses, there are the courts, so that’s rather a dull thing, but for the others I could see a new no-watch policy being extended to driving vehicles, entry into a casino, and standardized testing events like the SAT.

Nothing for the Sinister

The one thing that I noticed after discussing the Apple Watch with someone I know who is left-handed, that the device completely abandons functionality for the left-handed amongst us. It’s a hard choice Apple has made. Either you build a right-handed watch and a left-handed watch, or include handedness configurability in your design. It’s obvious after looking at the demo pieces that Apple has nothing set aside for the left-handed of us and have left a significant part of the population out in the cold. They could still use the device, but it will be much more awkward for them to actually use the device. I can see the detraction of non-handedness to be a compelling reason to not go ahead and purchase an Apple Watch.

Another Power Hungry Device

The Apple Watch is power hungry. It needs to charge nightly in order to continue to function. I find myself looking at the function of my wristwatch, a Seiko 5 Analog Automatic and immediately find what I have on the end of my arm, this watch, to be much more useful and compelling than this Apple Watch. My Seiko, if I care for it properly will never need winding as the mechanical automatic winder will never wear down or degrade or stop working. My motions feed the watch, and as long as I wear it every day, just living my life means that my watch will continue to count out seconds and sweep out the minutes and hours. My Seiko cannot do all the things that the Apple Watch can, but it can do the one thing a wristwatch should do very well and that is keep track of time. So far my Seiko has retained proper time for the few months I’ve had it. There is no technology in there that is synchronizing it to atomic time, and there is no need for that precision in my life. A watch that is bound to the power grid seems to be a risk to me, and since the most recent power outage, which for me was last night, the idea that my fancy Apple Watch could run down and just be a chunk of expensive metal and glass really concerns me.

Welcome to the Apple Silo, Penthouse Level

The Apple Watch creates an entire new floor to the Apple lifestyle silo. People are usually drawn in with a consumer device, like an iPod Nano or an iPhone, and then they are buying Macs and now the Apple Watch. I have to admit that Apple has a very good compelling company story, and they are leveraging this story magnificently well. They know that one Apple device usually turns into another, and before you know it you are knee-deep in the Apple Digital Lifestyle. The watch requires the iPhone to function, this is a very bold and possibly hazardous step for Apple to take. All the rest of their devices are independent devices, but this one, this Watch, is utterly dependent on an iPhone to function. I think this is the first fundamental break with the legacy of Steve Jobs and represents a really dangerous case for Apple. They are betting sales on pre-existing devices. That is either very ballsy or really stupid. This will only reinforce the cultural divide between people who flaunt this luxury versus people who do not. If you have an Apple Watch, then you necessarily have an iPhone. I can see this becoming a new and really upsetting hazard in big cities. Before it was a mystery what was plugged into a pair of headphones, it could have been anything from a cheap transistor radio, to a cassette Walkman to an iPod or iPhone. Now it’s really something quite different. If you see someone with an Apple Watch, you know that their iPhone isn’t far away. You are advertising that you have an iPhone to everyone who notices your watch. In small communities where theft and robbery isn’t a problem this won’t even show up on the map, but I foresee in bigger cities like Chicago and New York, that this will take on a new life all its own. A new spate of “Apple Watch” theft events. People getting mugged because of what they have on their wrists marks them out as being ripe for the plucking.

Price

The Apple Watch comes in three editions. There is the plain edition, the sports edition, and the luxury edition. The different editions put an embarrassing irony to the features that the phones are sold around, the replaceable wristbands most specifically. Why couldn’t it have just been one watch with different bands for different editions? Make the initial purchase for the core device and then let people swap out wristbands for the luxury components of the deal, if you want a canvas strap, a rubber one or a gold one, let those be options. Instead of that, there are three distinct Apple Watch varieties.

Then there is the price. $349 for the Apple Watch! In our society, what middle-class person would dangle such an expensive bit of technology on their wrists? Again I’m drawn back to my Seiko 5. The comparison of prices for what I need in a watch is all the reason enough to turn my back on the Apple Watch. My Seiko 5 cost me $70, that’s five times cheaper than the Apple Watch for a device that will never run out of power for as long as I don’t run out of power! It blew my mind, when I saw the price tag on the Apple Watch. I figured this could have been a jubilee celebration from Apple, they have billions of dollars buried in their company treasury, they could have made the Apple Watch a loss-leader for their iPhones, priced it at $70 and it would fly out the doors. Apple would lose money on each unit, but they’d make it up on the back side with all the cultural silo’ing that comes with using a device like an Apple Watch which necessitates an iPhone to go along with it.

Apple is betting that their Apple Watch will play as much as their iPads and iPhones did, selling millions of units. It may sell, and it very well may sell well, but I don’t think that $349 is worth this sort of technology. If it could do more, or if it was independent of the iPhone that might have helped, but it’s expensive, hazardous, and risky. I can’t see it really shining in sales numbers like the other devices did. Apple should have set it’s very lofty estimates for sales of the Apple Watch much lower. It’ll likely have the same sales numbers as the iPod Touch or iPod Nano.

I won’t be buying the Apple Watch. I have everything that I need already. The iPhone I have is enough, and my Seiko 5 does a magnificent job and you can’t beat the features or the price. I can’t imagine anyone I know actually going ahead and buying this thing, but we will see how that all pans out next year when it’s available for sale. This is going to be a hurdle that Apple doesn’t jump over gracefully.

Comixology

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Just updated my Comixology app on my iPad and overhauled my password so I could login. I knew I wasn’t going to find the same app I remember, and I had issues with that one as well. So in we go, talk about a chop-job. I found all the comics I bought, 252 of them, yah, and then on a lark I went looking on how to buy a new comic book. No store that I could find, just a search panel. Searched for Marvel and found all of that, went looking for DC and couldn’t find them. Searched for New 52 and found some titles. So, no more shelf-appeal or browsing titles. Okay.

Then there is the lack of in-app purchasing. Yeah, they are. Owned by Amazon now, so no more of that. Have to go on Amazon to buy the comics. Nope. I don’t like Amazon and it’s a matter of monopoly aversion in my consumer psyche. I do not like Amazon any longer. They are too big, too invasive, and too damaging to people in general. How Amazon treats their workforce is a lot like how Walmart treats theirs. Once Costco opens up here in Kalamazoo, we won’t ever be going back to Sams Club. I won’t ever be going back to Amazon or Comixology.

So, online comics are back to the Stone Age. I’m glad that there are long boxes downstairs with copies of all the comics now lost to me on Comixology. When I have money again, it’s back to the Comic Book Store with me. Comixology’s sell-out was the kiss of death. Amazon won’t be and can’t be controlled. They need to be shunned. If not by everyone, at least this household. There are more considerations on where you buy something beyond the “low price leader”, especially if that leader is a morally and ethically bankrupt monopolistic ravening monster.