Les Miserables is delightfully blasphemous

I was reading this article on CNN on how the movie was specifically targeted to Christian evangelicals. I certainly agree with the premise and message of this article and I didn’t have anything directly to comment on.

After watching the movie, and this isn’t going to give away anything really since everyone at this point knows the general gist of the story, if not by the Broadway or Off-Broadway production of the work or even the source book, the fact that they released the movie on Christmas Day and also featured a series of scenes (not just one) where Santa is led into Thenardier’s Inn for some alcoholic and carnal refreshment. I find the image of a freshly tossed Santa wandering into the snow and sitting on a wooden box being pulled by an ass is  an utterly delightful multidimensional blasphemy.

Universal has balls. Giant glittering Christmas balls. Release it on Christmas, whore up Santa, and then micromarket the movie to Christian evangelicals.

I would say that based on previous scenes of the movie, that the Thenardier’s may have plied Santa with liquor mixed with urine. So the blasphemy gets even more insidious and blasphemous as you contemplate this section of the movie. Released on Christmas, Liquor/piss-swilling, whore-tossing Santa who rides on a dull box (the sleigh went AWOL) pulled not by Reindeer, but by an … Ass. It’s like an obscene and elaborate hat-bow to people like me who can appreciate a earnest and heartfelt passion for obnoxious blasphemy against a religious figure. Then the cherry on top, which is that aforementioned evangelicals will suggest everyone in their flock go to see this movie for it’s religious overtones only to unintentionally deliver this hidden gem to their followers and nobody will walk away from the movie even mentioning it.

Nobody will be upset because the movie covers an emotional slap and tickle with bookended emotional bombs. You’ll be so overwhelmed with being emotionally victimized by this movie, and being glad for it, that you’ll overlook this whole Santa blasphemy.

Bravo!

Post-a-Day 1/2/13 – Resolutionistas

Daily Prompt: Resolved | The Daily Post.

Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?

I have been quite successful in losing a lot of weight, but I didn’t really start it as a resolution. It just started when I made up my mind and took a very long while to accomplish. I went from about 300 at my heaviest to about 230 where I am now. My goal is to reach 200, but that’s taking far longer than even the first seventy pounds did to lose.

There have been other resolutions, but again, they were made because I was very tired with living some other way and just decided to change. One of the only other things I did was to stop biting my fingernails. Once I did that, they started to grow in nicely and I no longer have to hide my fingertips and be embarrassed.

I’ve found that resolutions can be made anytime and to stick to them, all you need is an effort of willpower and to make up your mind. Not waffling around helps a lot, and not backsliding into old habits.

TIL In Action

This evening we sat down and were about to enjoy New Years Dinner and a nice bottle of Chenin Blanc. The wine-puller accidentally ruined the cork halfway and so half of the wine cork was in fragmented bits and the other half was in the neck of the bottle. I looked for ways we could enjoy the wine and without any tools handy I decided to use a skill I picked up years ago. How to uncork wine when you don’t have any cork-pulling tools.

You can eject a cork by placing the bottom of the wine bottle in your shoe and then smashing your shoe against a sturdy vertical surface. I took the bottle and one of my shoes and went to the garage. The exposed concrete footer was perfect. A good few solid whacks and the cork was ejected smoothly with only a few drops of lost wine. No cork in the bottle, no straining out cork, and no need for tools we didn’t have.

The next time you have a bottle of wine and no tools, look no further than your shoes and some sturdy vertical surface that can take some abuse. Wham! Wine!

Measure of Civilization

I have determined that there is a minimum measure for whether or not you are part of civilization or if you are a filthy barbarian.

This is in your house if you are civilized:

20130101-170320.jpg

And if you are a filthy uneducated barbarian:

20130101-170401.jpg

As you can see, the differences are both subtle yet strangely profound. If you select this one thing incorrectly, you should be ashamed.

Now you know…

12/21/12 6:14am

I’ve been thinking about what might be tomorrow. I’ve talked about it with coworkers and friends and family and everyone is at least popularly concerned as I would expect. The natural assumption to make is the null hypothesis, that is, that tomorrow nothing remarkable will happen and the world will continue to spin on it’s axis and life will go on.

Except that the Mayans were so good at constructing really good calendar systems and they were so accurate. When the long count calendar expires, supposedly on the Winter Solstice, which is 12/21/12 at 6:14am it’s an event that is remarkable. What will happen? I’ve heard the most popular response that people have to this millennial event: “If anything will happen, it’ll be a huge move forward for people and those feeling good feelings will reap the rewards of those good thoughts and the others will end up elsewhere.”

I love this idea as it’s very tidy. I can’t help but think about some other possibilities that might come to be as well. The Mayans drew out their calendar and built in the terminal point (which is coming along) and I’ve read various theories, including an ancient astronaut theory that a Mayan God will return to earth when their exacting Calendar expires. I’ve found that my suppositions follow two distinct paths – a positive angle and a negative one.

Under the positive angle what may come of tomorrow?

1. Reappearance of Magic in our world. Imagination becomes easier to impress upon our material world, perhaps.
2. First Contact. This one actually has some feet to it. The Mayans were quite particular about their Gods returning someday and why not tomorrow?
3. Cures for modern plagues. Maybe tomorrow we’ll find the magic bullet that cures AIDS or switches off Cancer. This one could also go hand-in-hand with the previous point and be something we learn from First Contact.
4. Expansion of consciousness. We all see ourselves as individuals. Perhaps tomorrow will start a new spiritual development in humanity and help us connect to each other in more meaningful ways.

While the positive things are wonderful to think about, there are more entertaining and more dramatic negative events that may happen.

1. The Yellowstone Supervolcano erupts. This would change the shape of North America and put a serious dent in America.
2. The New Madrid Fault could break and release a huge amount of earthquake energy, although this would be really scary for just the southern states.
3. A nearby star could have undergone a violent supernova and that fact could be enroute to Earth and arrive on 12/21/12 at 6:14am. We’d see a new star in the heavens and if it was close enough, it could raise radiation levels across the planet. It may be that our Sun and our own planets magnetosphere protects us from the worst of it, if it’s inbound at all. The problem with this is that nobody would know, there really isn’t any early detection for an event like this that I’m aware of.
4. Captain Trips – There has been some talk about H1N1 and other super flu viruses that just would require some generations to spread to humanity and then only a few more to become airborne. What would be worse? A Captain Trips event, or perhaps a re-emergence of something as nasty as the Spanish Flu of 1918?
5. Failure of the magnetosphere. Earth is protected from a lot of nasty space-based radiations by our atmosphere and our magnetosphere, to say nothing of the more impressive magnetosphere of our Sun. What if these fields failed for some strange reason? There would be less to shield us from solar radiation to say nothing of the stray cosmic radiations that come from space all the time.
6. First Contact. Just because a Mayan God was nice to the Mayans when they were developing doesn’t necessarily mean that any first contact event will be a positive one. One of the big lessons that popular science has been saying for a while is that a future First Contact event may not be a peaceful event but one fueled by hunger or some resource conflict. Instead of civilized explorers making first contact with us, they could be carnivores looking for a new food source.

One of the biggest things I have noticed while thinking about these things has been that people have clustered their thoughts around this event. Some are rooting for it, some are afraid of it, and some have even let the event change their natural way of behaving. Preppers getting ready for an event that may be impossible to dodge while on Earth. We just don’t know the scale of the event, or if there even is one. One thing is definitely for certain, this is a fantastic source of dramatic storytelling. The fear and the hope that battle over what is coming, or not, in a few short hours in the future make for great smalltalk and water-cooler conversations.

So, as the inaugural post for my relocated blog I will post this entry and invite people to write comments to this post. What do you think may happen in a few short hours? Will it be good, will it be bad? What do you think?

Presenteeism

For a very long time I’ve noticed something very peculiar about my job. I like to call it the “Cardboard Standee Effect”. When my clients run into trouble using their technology they do their level best to resolve the issue before contacting me, as is what anyone would usually do, but then they give up. They contact me and ask me to either control their workstation or come out to visit them. I walk in, make my greeting and ask what the trouble is and then have them do the very exact thing they did before, which didn’t work for them, and then it works and they are utterly flummoxed.

I’ve mused in the past that the office is populated with invisible naughty gremlins that love to cause mischief. For some reason, in this imaginary framework, I like to think that I scare them off. All I have to do is walk in and arguably, that’s enough for all the technology to suddenly start working like it’s designed to.

On a more serious note, it occurs to me that each one of us has a unique perception of the world. Some males are colorblind while I am not. This sort of example may be a part of what this is all about. Perhaps my presence, my observation of the situation causes a change somehow in how things turn out. There is a lot of deep explorations one could take involving things like a Schrödinger wave collapse which might also contribute to the explanation of this. That my presence, my observation of the situation is really all that is needed to pin down the randomness in these kinds of situations.

Depending on my mood I switch between these two senses, the fantastical and the scientific. I think the world is rich enough to hold both at the same time without any trouble and it certainly does make for some easy laughs – at least for me. My coworkers may feel otherwise, but so far nobody has tried to clasp me in manacles and pin me to one place – yet. 🙂

When mice are put into enclosures with limitless resources, their social behaviour degenerates dramatically. – Science – Aug 11, 2012 – Interesting Facts and Fun Facts – OMG Facts

When mice are put into enclosures with limitless resources, their social behaviour degenerates dramatically. – Science – Aug 11, 2012 – Interesting Facts and Fun Facts – OMG Facts.

I love these studies! They prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that without space travel Humanity is pretty much doomed. I can’t help but think of Star Trek. In that fictional universe there is no want, no need, Earth is a literal paradise. I wonder what would happen to that Universe if you kept everything else the same but eliminated warp travel from the story.

You’d have Universe 25. It wouldn’t be pretty. HA HA HA.

So what is the most important thing in the Star Trek Universe? Warp Travel. Beyond everything else. LULZ.

Twitter / CHRISMAL0NEY: A word of advice to @BarackObama: …

Twitter / CHRISMAL0NEY: A word of advice to @BarackObama: ….

The picture attached to this tweet was in my Instapaper queue and I got a chance to look at it. As I saw the picture I noticed something really quite entertaining. The text of the tweet takes the President to task for misspelling Ohio. If you look at the way the four people, with the President in position 3 are standing, each one of them is making a physical gesture which is supposed to show a letter of the alphabet, to spell out Ohio; Each of them are in the correct placement if you read from right to left:

O-H-I-O

It is because the cameraman is standing opposite them and nobody was spending any time thinking about a 180 degree rotation of the horizontal plane. So, beyond what amounts to being a gaffe of position, the order is correct.

 

Hawthorne

While running my SupportPress system for several months now it dawned on me that the  MySQL database that lurks just behind the scenes is collecting quite a bit of accidental detail on my coworkers that use the system. Nothing that would endanger anyones privacy, so quickly put that notion out of your head. What it does do is record the datestamp of when people enter tickets into the system. Generally people enter tickets right after they’ve identified a problem, of if they come to us, we start the ticket as the first thing we do, so again, the initiation of a ticket is in a general sense linked to just after the problem was detected and brought to our attention. For the remainder of this post, I assert that the datestamp on the ticket is when the problem occurred.

So with a middling amount of database skills and analysis under my belt I decided to run some aggregate queries on the data. Here’s what I found:

When I aggregate all the days of the month together and count how many tickets were initiated on which particular days I discover four notable days where things seem to on-average, go haywire: The 1st with 81 tickets, the 6th with 66 tickets, the 12th with 56 tickets, and the 23rd with 79 tickets. What’s really interesting about this dataset are the dates on the opposite side. The least haywire day is the 31st, with 11 tickets then the 28th with 20 tickets and the 3rd with 28 tickets. So now I can say, in general, that the 1st, the 6th, the 12th, and the 23rd are “Days That Suck”. The best day is the 31st.

I ran the same analysis but instead of days of the month, I used hours. In general the mornings are where people seem to have the most problems. 14 tickets at 7am, 201 tickets at 8am. At Noon the tickets drop by a hundred, then from 2pm to 4pm it rises gently but nowhere near the morning values and the afternoon peak comes between 4 and 5pm. After 6? The rush of tickets just stop. People don’t report problems when food is on the line. 🙂

The last analysis I did crossed day and hours together and counted the tickets. This had some interesting data in it, since I was just looking for any notable outliers. Hours and Days where the ticket level was say, more than 20 for that hour. Here’s some of the “Problem Days and Hours”: The 1st of the month at 10am and the 23rd at 10am.

What is to be determined from these really general findings? There are some cursed days at the office apparently. The 1st, the 6th, the 12th and the 23rd are really quite troublesome for people. Mornings are rough but on the 1st and 23rd, at around 10am the shit hits the fan.

SupportPress collects this data for as long as it runs and I’ve no intention of stopping so the further we go the more (or maybe less) pronounced these interesting bits of information will get. Those that work with me that also read my blog might have some insight or they may just find some of this helpful if they have spare vacation days to spend and are looking for some reason to not come into work.

One engineer's quest for the perfect pen | DVICE

One engineer’s quest for the perfect pen | DVICE.

Over time I myself embarked on a pursuit quite like the gentleman in this article. Looking for a pen that suited me because I wasn’t really finding a lot of usefulness in the market as it was.

I spent too long with pencils and their blurry, imprecise marks of graphite on paper that almost always faded over time until all you could note was the impressions the nib made on the paper after it was all faded away.

Mechanical pencils really didn’t help, except that they did do a rather good job in freeing me from manual sharpeners. The only time I took mechanical pencils seriously was when I took a drafting class in high school. I’ve dallied around with them at work, but they almost always end up going back to the coffee mug gulag where other writing implements go that aren’t good enough.

I then moved forward to ink pens, and here I wandered in vain for a very long time. Ball points, Gel Pens, lots of different technologies and they all shared the same awfulness. Eventually paper dust or age would clog their functional bits. These pens would suddenly skip, stop working, or after trying in vain to resurrect them they would eject their balls and void their ink all over the writing surface. I’ve never really enjoyed using modern cartridge ball point pens. I also tend to write quickly and these basic pens always leave me feeling cramped as my hand starts to resemble a claw more than anything else. Humorously, when I purchased my house I had to endure a flurry of paperwork and sign my name many times. At the end of the ordeal I actually couldn’t extend my cramped hand to shake on the purchase and so had no choice but to resort to using my left hand, which is like shaking hands with a dead bird. My left hand is nearly useless as my right hand does practically all the work. So, even these ballpoints were out. After some time I did some research on these devices and figured out that one of the chief reasons why I didn’t like them very much was that the ink really wasn’t so much ink as it was a kind of inky grease. The quality and feel of a pen as I write is more important to me, along with ink flow than anything else. As anyone knows, one of my dearest pet peeves is repeating myself. I hate repeating myself in speech and I detest repeating myself in writing. Ball points, grease pens, they all eventually fail me and force me to re-trace the same glyphs over and over again trying to deposit ink in the way that I need to in order to communicate.

As a rather humorous sidelight, I have for the most part abandoned this technology altogether for use of keyboards. In many ways I have even abandoned spoken word as I find it trying to get the right words out, especially when my poor male brain is agonizing over emotional processing and is just pushed that far enough where I can either hold on to an emotion or hold on to nouns, not both. There is something more even, more paced when it comes to writing that appeals to me, and as it turns out I’m more in touch with my emotions when I write than when I speak, it’s as if the paper provides me the mental room to explore my feelings as well as fish for the correct language to use to discuss them.

Which leads me to my own favorite pen, which runs counter to the pen described in the above link. My pen of choice, and frankly I have to admit that it is a very uniquely right-handed device is a Lamy cartridge fountain pen. It’s royal blue case and cap and ink cartridge are always with me. It shares space in my backpack with the other items I couldn’t go day-to-day without, such as my pocket watch, which I store while I’m at the gym so as to not injure it all wound up in belt and pants, as well as my gram-scale for measuring out my tea or coffee for my work life life-preserver. The way this pen writes, on any kind of paper is marvelous. The flow of ink along the feed to the nib means I don’t have to mash down and scribe the paper while I try to write along its surface and its unbroken ink means I don’t have to retrace what I tried to write, something that is worth more to me than any other feature.

Sometimes the best things are the old things. Just because modernity demands ball point, or gel pens and lauds their qualities doesn’t mean that modernity is correct. It’s been my experience that in this case, the very old design of the fountain pen, which hasn’t really changed in a thousand years from its first invention in 953 serves me delightfully to this very day. It’s funny that something so old, something that’s been with humanity for such a very long time endures. If you look out in the marketplace you won’t find these pens, I know, I’ve tried. I had to order this pen specially along with it’s ink cartridges. It wasn’t terribly expensive however this is not a pen you dispose of, this pen is something that stays with you for a very long time. It’s that function and durability that truly impress me. It won’t get clogged with paper dust, it’s not greasy, and the way it writes is beyond a pleasure. The only thing that I don’t do anymore is actually write letters with it, however now that it occurs to me, it’s something that would be a pleasure to do. Pursuing that is something that would send me off looking for the proper paper. My unusual eye would most likely be drawn by very fine paper in the A4 format. There is something delightfully rebellious and anachronistic about abandoning irrationally sized American papers for their more logical and pleasing metric counterparts. But that’s going to be another blog post, I think. 🙂