Imagine for Safety

Do you have one of these? let’s imagine that a family of four, easy enough to do, just went to bed. It’s raging outside, snow and ice have made the outside a winter wonderland. What nobody knows is that something is blocking the vents and the furnace and hot water tank are running lean on oxygen to burn the natural gas and instead of water vapor and carbon dioxide, these wintertime necessities are pumping out deadly, odorless, tasteless, and colorless Carbon Monoxide gas. This family doesn’t have a CO detector, they didn’t see any need to pay $20 for one. Tomorrow, if things work out, all four will be dead. Died in their sleep. They might have woken up, with a blinding intense headache and massive lethargy and just closed their eyes for the last time, each and every one of them. No matter how strong or lucky you think you are, this gas can kill you dead. What’s worse is the hemoglobin in your blood actually prefers to hold-on to Carbon Monoxide more than it prefers Oxygen!

So for the love of God, don’t be this family! Buy a detector for your home, for your kids, for your loved ones, for your pets, and at least FOR YOURSELF. STFU and BUY ONE. Fill it with 3 AA batteries and have 3 more waiting near it. If you have a detector, CHECK IT. Even if you don’t have natural gas, why take the risk? These simple detectors are on sale everywhere and if one of these saved your life, saved your child, or saved your beloved pet, how much would it be worth to you?

Don’t wait to become a statistic. March down to your local 24-hour megamart and BUY THIS NOW WITH BATTERIES and SET IT UP! Don’t be that stupid moron who is a sorry headline in tomorrows newspaper, all because you couldn’t bother with the most important detector anyone can have with them.

STFU, GTFO, and RTFM!

It’s no fun being sick

The past two days have been a literal blur for me. I started feeling the chills and off-feeling early on and as time went on, it just grew worse. Eventually I started having severe GI issues, pretty regular headaches, a fever, hot-flashes and chills, profuse sweating – all in all very not fun. I skipped out on pretty much all food the first day, I just couldn’t risk anything. I then realized that I needed some calories to keep going so I opened a can of Coca Cola, which usually either clears my system or ultimately resolves my problems one way or another. After holding down several bouts of severe nausea I found a place to lay down that felt good. For some reason the big blue couch in my living room, some throw pillows, and a big blue comforter was EXACTLY what I needed. I pounded down at least 4 hours of solid dead-to-the-world sleep and felt far better when I awoke. After I got over whatever hit me, I figure the likely suspects are either e. coli or cryptosporidium, I felt better. I started with a glass of milk, then moved up to toast. This morning I hazarded cooked oatmeal and that wasn’t a problem.

Tomorrow I will return to work after two days of being sick. I bust on Western for a lot, mostly petty internal bickering and annoyances, but when it comes to being really sick and needing time to recover, its worth it’s weight in gold, to have over 480 accumulated hours of Sick Leave available to use, it’s just one possible stressor that is nowhere to be found.

Everything is better now. My stomach feels fine, my system feels fine, and everything is working as nature intended. I don’t know where I caught the bacteria but I know it was a bacteria. Something that survived stomach acid and set off an attempted coup in my system. With lots of rest and a really quite on-top-of-things immune system I bounced back handily.

I missed my post-a-day yesterday, but there was just no way, I wasn’t able to type let alone flop off the couch. I don’t like being sick, it makes me incredibly emotional, unbelievably needy, and a giant mush in pretty much every regard – assuming I have enough energy available for any of it. Scott was wonderful, as well as all our friends who came to visit and enjoy Glee Night with us, but my two boys, Owien and Griffin were very cute. The minute I would flop down they’d leap on wherever I was and curl up and sleep with me, as if to protect me. So unbearably cute.

With luck I can avoid the matrix of things I did two days ago that got me sick, I have some suspicions and I can do things to avoid having to run into those things again. I hate having to feel that way. I don’t ever want to do it again.

Life without a Thumb

Last night I had an accident. I was slicing radishes with a mandoline slicer and as I was working along I was going to fast and accidentally took an 1/4 inch slice from the blade on my right thumb. I wasn’t using the included safety chuck because I was in a hurry and didn’t care enough. So here I am with half a thumb that doesn’t work properly.

I started to notice just how many places a thumb is useful. Browsing an iPad? Yeah, a challenge. Try tying shoelaces or buttoning pants. It’s quite marvelous to see just how many places your thumb shows up as a key player. You never really think about it until it’s bleeding all over you and screaming in pain.

It was comic watching me cope last night after I had so savagely sliced myself for dinner. My consistent response is to get really quiet and run away. Specifically to the bathroom. Got pressure on the cut and then I was struggling with the instant bandage kit from Band-Aid. Usually that’s where I go to when I have a rather smooth slice from a knife or mandoline. Quietly cussing and swearing and getting more and more upset as I was fumbling with the little applicator and trying to unscrew the tiny tube of glue that serves as the instant bandage. In my minds eye I was entertaining images of hunting down the bright bulbs at Band-Aid who designed the package and the materials the way they did and after a good and healthy beating, throw them a kit and see how they cope. Difficult to manage huh? Yeah it is! Ye bastards! But I was able to find a butterfly (or whatever the hell you call it) bandage and that took care of my leaking issue for the night.

Damn thing fell off this morning though, but it wasn’t bleeding anymore, now it’s just nasty looking and tender to the touch. And before anyone gets all worked up about what “nasty looking” is, it isn’t infected and it’s not in pain, so put down your WebMD and back away slowly from crazy-town. I don’t need to see a doctor.

What amazes me is how important hands are and what a terrible joke played upon us by a creator (if he has the audacity to exist) that the most important things in life are the most prone to horrible terrible nasty damage. It’s almost as if, if there was a God, that it’s a very old joke that he smiles over when he’s sitting all alone.

Spreading Sickness

It all started with a guy named Ray. He was sick, and gave it to his boyfriend, Steven. Steven gave it to our friend Justin and Justin gave it to all of us. This illness is more of a minor annoyance to me, but quite troublesome for Scott because of his already extant breathing difficulties. I’ve been ‘chugging’ down tea as fast as I can brew it, for as much as you can chug just-off-the-boil water.

This is a plain-jane rhinovirus. You feel achy and have chills for a little while, then your head fills up with gunk and over some sleepless nights it spreads into your lungs. It makes breathing difficult and spreads along your vocal cords, which for me makes me more Barry White-Betty White than I care for. The key I’ve found is hot tea, hot soup, good food, rest and apparently TheraFlu, which I just took. The TheraFlu stuff is quite good. It’s got a cough-supressant, a decongestant, and an antihistamine. You prepare it just like you do tea. I threw in a packet of Splenda to make the medicine go down but it wasn’t unpleasant at all to take. I like the idea of a powder added to hot water as it’s almost as perfect-for-your-system as it can get. No having to dissolve dextrose or cellulose pill containers, the chemicals are already a little higher than body temperature so absorption is marvellously quick. I’m sure a good portion of how I feel is placebo, but my nose is draining and my froggy/tickle has just about gone away at the back of my throat.

The question I have to face is, do I head into work tomorrow or do I attempt some sort of telecommuting angle? WMU is renowned for being very skitterish about presenteeism and handling of leaves of absences. I of course have nothing to worry about because I have over 480 hours of accrued sick leave, but I do need to get some work accomplished. I will see how I feel tomorrow of course, as is the usual way.

I think there is a trifecta for dealing with this virus, Zicam, TheraFlu, and Mucinex-D. That should make your system hut right to it, and you won’t have to put up with the obnoxious irritation that this virus represents. I knock on wood that this virus has no stomach-upsetting angle to it.

Scott has gone to urgent care as his health insurance is poor and adding him to my insurance would bankrupt me. They’ll give him a breathing treatment and then chide him for using urgent care most likely. I do not envy his position, already being under-the-gun as it were and to add this insult-to-injury. I don’t think a doctors visit for me would do any good other than probably waste money and pre-occupy a doctor with a triage-worthy sack of symptoms. I’m doing what common sense dictates, rest, fluids, and symptom management. My immune system will do the rest.

New Years Resolutions

Everyone makes them and everyone breaks them. The classic ones over the year have been to lose weight or get out of debt, these aren’t things I can simply check-off my list in a year, they are long-term things. So I have to start small. One thing that I can definitely get a handle on and work on is to not be so very angry in the coming new year.

To cease being so angry I also have to bury a lot of zombies that are shambling about. The zombies take the form of the past. Previous coworkers, previous problems, previous angers. I visualize that I’ve got them in a giant earthen pit and I’m laughing with a shovel in one hand and a molotov cocktail in the other hand, looking at the zombies shambling  around the pit sloshing around in gasoline. I light the cocktail, lob it in, and watch as all the past issues and annoyances and bugbears burn like so much straw men. Once the screaming and shuffling is over I get down off the tower platform I’m standing on and get busy shoveling all this nasty into the shallow grave it so richly deserves.

So my goal for 2011 is to not let the past bother me, to not get so angry, and to not let myself get caught up in vortexes of rage so that all I can think about is revenge and destruction. The shortcut is with psychotropic medications, I think the more honest path is with plain old willpower and determination. We’ll see how 2011 stacks up.

Garlic Bread…

Making your own food and not buying it pre-made often times works out for the best. You save money, you control every aspect of the food and you can avoid many of the chemicals in commercial food processing. To which I have discovered my new favorite Garlic Bread Recipe:

  1. Buy a day-old Vienna loaf, price cut in half because it’s not fresh. You don’t need fresh, not for this.
  2. 1 stick of unsalted (or salted, who the !@#$ cares) warmed in the microwave until it is mashable with a fork, not melted into a bubbling buttery moat.
  3. 2 to 3 heaping tablespoons of minced garlic. I bought my garlic in a pre-minced form, it’s a giant 32oz jar. It’ll last me a little while. People who don’t like Garlic often times don’t like me because I absolutely LOVE Garlic.
  4. A few shakes of Garlic Salt on top of the butter-stick-garlic-pile.
  5. Mash with a fork until you make a paste.
  6. Cut the bread loaf in half, then that half longitudinally. Spread the butter mixture onto each side and put in the oven at 400 degrees until it pleases you.
  7. Cut and serve. Watch as you identify every Vampire in the city, they’ll know what you’ve made and they will flee.

This dish isn’t heart healthy, really, but life is so short anyways – to deny yourself the pleasure of what amounts to being a carbohydrate and fat Garlic Bomb is reprehensible. You aren’t meant to have a long life, just a full one.

Om Nom !@#$ NOM. 🙂

Inbox Zero

Ever since my institution migrated to Web Mail Plus (I like to call it wimp for short) I’ve made it a workplace priority to never have anything stored on it that I can’t store someplace else. From the beginning, with our institutional migration to this new system I’ve been critical of it. I have no faith in either the dependability or privacy of the new system. The old system I did have a measure of faith in because my email was stored on my server in my machine room, not 10 feet from where I sit now. Now my professional email lives in Ann Arbor Michigan, in a place I have never seen and managed by people I have never met. There is a batch of paperwork that has been signed which should give me a sense of security, but again, it was one batch of strangers signing documents with another batch of strangers and a very nebulous promise that nothing upsetting would occur from this transition. As it is, I have developed a series of reflexes based on my zero-trust model that I use with strangers, especially institutional strangers. My livelihood is far too valuable to trust to the likes of my coworkers and peers. It’s nothing against them, but it’s a mix of wariness and “If you want it done right, do it yourself” mentality that so far has kept me happy and things working well in my life.

These reflexes regularly lead me to a state of geek nirvana, something called Inbox Zero. It’s a state where your inbox is totally clean, utterly empty. Nothing is malingering, loitering, and filling your mind with a fog of worry that if there are items there, you are somehow missing something or you haven’t completed something. Mostly it’s the sense that if there is something in there, I haven’t attended to it properly and that sits on my mind. It’s a kind of annoying background noise that lowers my happiness and sense of order, a fog of doubt. While this fog of doubt doesn’t really upset me or negatively impact my life, it contributes to my general sense of irritation and it’s one of those little passengers that contribute to stress breakdowns and spiraling vortexes of rage that I sometimes get trapped in. By eliminating this fog from my environment, it’s one less little niggling thing to wear me down.

My professional email gets only a few broad categories of information sent to it, that I have to attend to:

  • DBA Tasks – Highly structured task requests that usually include attached data. These almost always have a due date and a list of people to report to when the task is complete.
  • Help Desk/Office – More nebulous, mostly people asking for things or issuing trouble-tickets over email. In our office there is no single way to issue a trouble-ticket, people can walk up and verbally deliver one, they can email it in, leave voicemail, or try to ambush us as we walk through the office doing other tasks.
  • Organizational Chatter – Even more nebulous and needless are the myriad messages regarding the activities of the Trustees, Campus News, and little reminders sent out for events and/or meetings. I don’t claim they are worthless, but they are a kind of ‘hair that clogs the pipes’.
  • Vendor Spam – Generalized and unfocused bullshit from vendors we have or have had relationships with. Mostly this stuff is meaningless dreck related to things we will never need or find useful or even care about. These usually include anything sent from Dell, or HP, or the “Who’s Who” people.
  • Miscellaneous Bullshit – Very regularly I get meaningless messages from utter strangers with no content or worthless content. These are akin to email mosquitoes. They serve no real purpose, but there isn’t a reliable way to force them all into extinction. The best you can do is just swat them when they arrive.

So my strategies for handling these messages are as so:

  • If a message is worthy and important and has some sense of a due-date I forward it to my Toodledo account, which creates a task of the email with the body of the message as the meat of the task and the subject as the task title. This pushes the tasks that should originally go to toodledo in that direction. One of the side-effects of our transition was a massive retardation when it came to workflow. Our old system was great and nobody understood how to use it. The new system just doesn’t have the wits and the fact that nobody gets it is rendered meaningless from its absence.
  • If a message contains some hard nugget that I want to always retain I copy the relevant bits into an Evernote Note.
  • Everything else is bullshit. I have trained my Mac Mail.app using its Bayesian filters to separate utter bullshit from possible bullshit, so I just dump whatever mail puts in Junk right out and then toss the rest out after giving it a cursory glance.
  • If there is an item that isn’t task based, but does have a date – such as a meeting or some sort of event, I hover my mouse over the date parts and my Mail.app detects this and offers me a choice to create a new iCal Calendar Entry for that event. Talk about handy.

At the end of the day at best, or the end of the week at worst I should always be able to return to Inbox Zero. There is no reason to store items in the wimp, everything else can be sorted either into Evernote or Toodledo or the files taken out and placed in Dropbox with appropriate Finder comments attached. That all being said, I do store some things in my wimp account, mostly things that I probably should keep for documentations sake, especially if a coworker is going to wear their ass for a hat sometime in the future, it’s good to be at least a little prepared for those sorts of things. I principally store promises and protestations that something won’t ever happen again in my wimp account, and when they screw up, at least it’s handy there. Wimp glories in a 10GB quota. I use only a human-hairs worth of that quota and I have no desire to ever really make use of wimp beyond that. It’s a necessary evil, a funnel, not a bucket. I’m sure organizationally that bucks the conventions, as they wish it to be both a funnel and a bucket, but I have more faith in other buckets than what is in wimp itself.

A very old cure…

I have an annoying skin tag on my left thigh and when I run or go caching or any other lots-of-walking type activity it always gets chafed and starts to sting. It’s about the size of two rice grains next to each other attached very loosely. A few days ago I did a 20 minute Wii Fit Free Run and the chafing got so bad I was walking funny for a few days afterwards. This skin tag has to come off.

I have a choice for removal. I could get Peroxide and Alcohol, sterilize my own snips and just shear it off and then put on a band-aid and let it heal up. I could waddle over to a dermatologist and pay $200 for him to do the same thing for me, or, well, is there an or?

Turns out, there is an “OR” to this. There is a homeopathic/old-wives-cure for moles and skin-tags, it involves a poultice of Castor Oil and Baking Soda. So at the start I mixed 1 tsp of Baking Soda and 1 tsp of Castor Oil together into a thick paste and mixed it in a little bowl. I then got a box of band-aids and I dab a little of the poultice on my skin-tag and then cover it with a band-aid. The conventional wisdom states that in two weeks the tag should be gone.

I can say that it’s been three days using the poultice and the tag is indeed shrinking. It used to be long with a narrow floppy part, that’s gone. The damn stuff actually works! It’s odorless, white from the baking soda, and by all popular accounts it won’t leave a scar or a mark, just smooth flat non-taggy skin. I’m fine with not having to use scissors and put up with all the pain, bleeding, and possibility of infection. I love how something from the 19th Century or even before that still works today. So much better, this kind of medicine. Turns out Castor Oil also fixes a huge host of skin disorders, I wonder how it’d work against Athletes Foot. I’ve got stuff for that when it flares up, but I still wonder.