We just returned from a late lunch at Sliders Burgers in Kalamazoo, MI. I was aware that they were coming when a Kalamazoo twitter personality mentioned two new businesses occupying Campus Pointe Mall several months ago. When they made the announcement my first response was “Oh god no, they are going to inherit the curse…” as Campus Pointe Mall is cursed with failure. This location has suffered some rather breathtaking churn over the years with eateries popping up and then evaporating. Over and over again. So, here we are, once more.

We left Barnes & Noble on Westnedge Avenue in Portage at 2pm, took 94 to 131, then Stadium to Drake then to W. Michigan. I thought it was the most direct route and I wanted our first time there to be together so we could discuss this review before I put words down about this restaurant. The idea was that we shouldn’t have any problems because it was 2pm, the lunch-crush should have been over by then and we could get back before my partner needed to return to work an hour later.

This restaurant, Sliders Burgers is on the end of a series of storefronts, parking is never really a problem. The parking lot of Campus Pointe Mall is terrible, but that’s something everyone knows. The lot is full of front-end-eating potholes, it’s not that your wheels get swallowed by them, it’s that your front-end gets swallowed by them. The parking lot looks like a shelling range. The management company that runs that “Mall” really should be ashamed, but it’s not the fault of the restaurant itself. After parking we spied the layout, which is like any burger joint and best resembles Five Guys little cousin. We walked in, everything seemed fine until we got to ordering. I pretty much knew what I was after, they have meals organized by number and I wanted a “Number One”. I had to ask for it twice, and then had to struggle with what toppings I wanted. These are sliders, these are tiny burgers. They say that their burgers are 5 ounces, but that’s pre-cooking weight, the honest value is likely 3 ounces in presentation. The toppings were disorganized. There are three onion options in their free topping range and it’s annoying to have to specifically identify each topping you want. When you are ordering in this situation speed is of the essence. The food is quick, the ordering is quick, the cashout is quick. Quick quick quick. Customers, like I had to, had to battle out a list of toppings, most of which I didn’t care about. What is worse is that my toppings were random and included some of their premium options like bacon that I didn’t ask for, but I’m not picky. The order failure was really disappointing. On our way back we got to talking about the toppings problem and came up with an idea. Put the caramelized onions on the premium list, then chop the white and red together. That would simplify the free topping list and then, much like Five Guys, you could say “All the free ones” and not have to stare into a blank face just blinking at you and asking you to itemize which ones you want. I told you what I wanted, alas, there is no convenient way to do that. So there we were, a lunch for two, a number one and a number four for $18.48. The pricetag surprised me. In comparison to other lunch possibilities this was expensive. More expensive than Five Guys, and even more than Culvers. Then we sat down. That was pretty much the end for me. I was annoyed at the order counter and the table was a weeble-wobbly piece of cheap junk. It was a square panel of plywood painted with a stand screwed into the base. I tested another random table on our way out and that table too was just the same. Annoying. Then we were waiting for our food, the kitchen performed a monumental whammy in serving someone who came in after us before us. At first we thought it was simply a matter of a smaller order until we noticed that it was bigger and was a dine-in and carry-out versus just a dine-in for us. Alas, bygones. We got our baskets and Scott didn’t get his fries. We were running out of time, since it took the kitchen about 12 minutes to prep what we ordered. It should have taken 3-6 minutes, tops. As for the food, it was acceptable. It wasn’t anything worth repeating and the fries were okay.

I won’t castigate Sliders Burgers the same way I did for Smashburger, but the comparisons are still valid. You get a cheaper and better meal on stable tables from Five Guys and even cheaper still at Culvers. One thing to keep in mind is that Sliders Burgers targeted audience is only partially me. They are targeted at the student population that is clustered right near them as Western is concentrating all their efforts on treating downtown Kalamazoo like a leper colony. Every development is on the other side, where nobody is, but if you build lots of “Apartments” and “Dorms” then voila, you’ve got a new area ripe for commerce with companies like Sliders Burgers. What about downtown Kalamazoo? It’s best left to Portage tossers and tragically ironic Hipsters.

We’ll give this place one more shot, just to be fair, but if you can’t deliver in less than 10 minutes at 2:30pm on a Saturday with an effective empty restaurant except for a handful of patrons there are some problems. Nothing I’ve identified is a business killer for Sliders Burgers, but much like Smashburger, they would have been better served by a soft open with a select customer base to shake out the problems first, before opening to the public.

So, tentatively we’re going to go with a 2.5 out of 5 for Sliders Burgers in Kalamazoo, MI.

Areas of improvement:

1) Overhaul topping selection, let the picky be picky, let the quick be quick.
2) Your tables are fit for incineration. They are no good. Buy real tables.
3) You may benefit from a number system instead of names.

Good Luck!