Life without a Thumb

Last night I had an accident. I was slicing radishes with a mandoline slicer and as I was working along I was going to fast and accidentally took an 1/4 inch slice from the blade on my right thumb. I wasn’t using the included safety chuck because I was in a hurry and didn’t care enough. So here I am with half a thumb that doesn’t work properly.

I started to notice just how many places a thumb is useful. Browsing an iPad? Yeah, a challenge. Try tying shoelaces or buttoning pants. It’s quite marvelous to see just how many places your thumb shows up as a key player. You never really think about it until it’s bleeding all over you and screaming in pain.

It was comic watching me cope last night after I had so savagely sliced myself for dinner. My consistent response is to get really quiet and run away. Specifically to the bathroom. Got pressure on the cut and then I was struggling with the instant bandage kit from Band-Aid. Usually that’s where I go to when I have a rather smooth slice from a knife or mandoline. Quietly cussing and swearing and getting more and more upset as I was fumbling with the little applicator and trying to unscrew the tiny tube of glue that serves as the instant bandage. In my minds eye I was entertaining images of hunting down the bright bulbs at Band-Aid who designed the package and the materials the way they did and after a good and healthy beating, throw them a kit and see how they cope. Difficult to manage huh? Yeah it is! Ye bastards! But I was able to find a butterfly (or whatever the hell you call it) bandage and that took care of my leaking issue for the night.

Damn thing fell off this morning though, but it wasn’t bleeding anymore, now it’s just nasty looking and tender to the touch. And before anyone gets all worked up about what “nasty looking” is, it isn’t infected and it’s not in pain, so put down your WebMD and back away slowly from crazy-town. I don’t need to see a doctor.

What amazes me is how important hands are and what a terrible joke played upon us by a creator (if he has the audacity to exist) that the most important things in life are the most prone to horrible terrible nasty damage. It’s almost as if, if there was a God, that it’s a very old joke that he smiles over when he’s sitting all alone.

the Oatiest Oatmeal Cookies Recipe

By popular demand, this is the best way to share this recipe with friends and family. Enjoy!

Oatiest Oatmeal Cookie
Recipe courtesy Alton Brown, 2010

Prep Time:15 minInactive Prep Time:–Cook Time:12 min
Level:
Easy
Serves:
3 dozen cookies
Ingredients
16 ounces old fashioned rolled oats
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon kosher salt
10 ounces unsalted butter, room temperature
6 ounces dark brown sugar
3 1/2 ounces granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
8 ounces raisins
Directions
Heat the oven to 375 degrees F. Spread oats in a single layer on half-sheet pans and bake until lightly toasted, about 20 minutes. Remove the oats from the oven and let cool for 2 to 3 minutes.

Grind 8 ounces of the toasted oats in a food processor for 3 minutes or until the consistency of whole-wheat flour. Add the baking powder, cinnamon and salt and pulse to combine.

Combine the butter, brown sugar and granulated sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer, and mix on medium speed until light in color, about 3 minutes. Stop once to scrape down the sides of the bowl. Reduce the mixer speed to the lowest speed, add the egg and vanilla and mix to combine. Stop to scrape down the sides of the bowl, if necessary.

With the mixer on the lowest speed, slowly add the oat mixture, the remaining 8 ounces of oats and the raisins until just combined. Stop once to scrape down the sides of the bowl. Scoop the dough with a 1-ounce ice cream scoop or disher onto parchment-lined half-sheet pans, leaving 2 inches between each mound. Bake the cookies for 12 minutes, rotating the pans after 6 minutes, until the cookies begin to brown around the edges. Remove the pans from the oven and let the cookies cool on the pans for 2 minutes. Transfer the cookies to a cooling rack to cool completely.

Printed from FoodNetwork.com on Fri Nov 19 2010© 2010 Television Food Network, G.P. All Rights Reserved

Garlic Bread…

Making your own food and not buying it pre-made often times works out for the best. You save money, you control every aspect of the food and you can avoid many of the chemicals in commercial food processing. To which I have discovered my new favorite Garlic Bread Recipe:

  1. Buy a day-old Vienna loaf, price cut in half because it’s not fresh. You don’t need fresh, not for this.
  2. 1 stick of unsalted (or salted, who the !@#$ cares) warmed in the microwave until it is mashable with a fork, not melted into a bubbling buttery moat.
  3. 2 to 3 heaping tablespoons of minced garlic. I bought my garlic in a pre-minced form, it’s a giant 32oz jar. It’ll last me a little while. People who don’t like Garlic often times don’t like me because I absolutely LOVE Garlic.
  4. A few shakes of Garlic Salt on top of the butter-stick-garlic-pile.
  5. Mash with a fork until you make a paste.
  6. Cut the bread loaf in half, then that half longitudinally. Spread the butter mixture onto each side and put in the oven at 400 degrees until it pleases you.
  7. Cut and serve. Watch as you identify every Vampire in the city, they’ll know what you’ve made and they will flee.

This dish isn’t heart healthy, really, but life is so short anyways – to deny yourself the pleasure of what amounts to being a carbohydrate and fat Garlic Bomb is reprehensible. You aren’t meant to have a long life, just a full one.

Om Nom !@#$ NOM. 🙂

Wii’ll Fit

Ever since I returned from visiting my folks in South Carolina I’ve been using my Wii much more, and my Wii Fit program with the balance board. For the past 14 days I’ve been following a rather extensive exercise regimen:

  • Yoga: Deep Breathing, Half-Moon, Warrior, Sun Salutation, Standing Knee, Palm Tree, and Chair.
  • Strength Training: Single Leg Extension, Sideways Leg Lift, Torso Twists, Rowing Squat, Single Leg Twist, Lunge, and Jackknife.
  • Aerobics: Hula Hoop, Basic Step, Basic Run, Free Run
  • Balance: Soccer Heading, Penguin Slide, and Balance Bubble.

Mostly I’ve trimmed this list to most of the Yoga, and Strength Training as I do my workouts at 6:30am and they last me about 45 minutes until 7:30 or so when I get dressed and head to work.

There have been some noticeable changes in my body while using these programs on the Wii Fit. My overall balance has greatly improved. I no longer find myself toppling over when I’m on one foot to put on my socks, I don’t fumble about when I’m trying to put on shoes and I feel more centered in general. My general workout is to do the most pleasant Yoga poses in the morning as a warm-up, then run through the Strength Training series at least once, and then double-up on Torso Twists, Jackknives, and Rowing Squats. My goal is to lose weight and tone my abdominals and lose my love handles.

All the Wii Fit in the world will just make me sweat and feel good that I’m getting my 30-minutes-a-day exercise in that everyone says will keep me healthy. In order to really see some progress and to lose weight and BMI, I have to eat less and eat better. The quality of my food really can’t get much higher, I’m cooking 99% of the food I eat and I’m sourcing damn near everything from basic raw foods, removing processed foods where I can and such. That brings me to eating less. There are some very handy strategies I already know in order to achieve this goal, such as drinking 500ml of filtered water right before a meal, stuffing myself with green vegetation, and eating the ‘main course’ in a normal bowl or small plate.

This is way more important now that autumn has arrived, the change in the seasons brings on overeating, eating sweet and or fatty foods, and generally plumping up over the colder months to come. I’m planning on hitting the Wii Fit every day and eating smart in a bid to prevent my personal plumping, which almost always coincides with our Halloween Event, Thanksgiving, and all the eat-and-sleep that is coming.

My goal is to reach 200 pounds. I don’t know how long it will take me to get there, but I do know that’s where I want and need to be in order to avoid the traps coming for me down the road, such as prostate cancer, hypertension, and diabetes.

Eggs

The recent news of the Salmonella-tainted Eggs is bouncing around the 24 hour news cycle. My mom told me about Davidson’s Pasteurized Eggs, they are still raw, but rendered completely safe to consume because they’ve been treated with heat, not enough to coagulate the yolks and set the whites but enough to kill any potential infections of Salmonella that might be lurking within the egg. I am of course wanting to explore the MAFC, and a good portion of that is mastering the Sauces section, for which under-temperature eggs are a fundamental component.

I discovered that I could pasteurize my own eggs by raising an amount of water to 150 degrees and holding eggs suspended in this water for 5 minutes. To overcome this annoying inconvenience I thought I would write to my local supermarket chain, Meijers. I suggested that they carry Davidson’s Pasteurized Eggs and basically got a rebuff throwaway message from a Meijers representative who claimed that none of the eggs that Meijers sells was involved in the recall. As it may be, Meijers, that your eggs weren’t recalled does not necessarily mean that they are safe. Pasteurized eggs are safe. I would pay more for eggs that I knew were safe so I could feel okay with exploring the Sauce section of the MAFC. I can’t really just target Meijers, as WalMart, D&W, and Hardings, all the markets in our area do not carry pasteurized eggs. This isn’t the first time that I’ve contacted Meijers, so far it’s the third request I’ve made over the years for products that would do very well in our area. I’ve decided that contacting Meijers is a fool’s errand.

I suppose that if enough young and elderly die of Salmonella poisoning then Michigan will legislate to force egg pasteurization and Meijers will turn a tidy 180 and then aggressively pursue and market it to their customers. What bothers me deep down is that expanding customers choice for truly safe foods isn’t on the radar for any of the local food marketers in our region. Then again, I’ve said time and time again that restaurants and food markets have no interest in public health or safety – filthy food from monstrous sources is perfectly fine as long as the balance sheet remains in the black. Because I don’t trust anything I buy from Meijers, D&W, Hardings or WalMart it is important to cook everything thoroughly, select against raw foods, and when there is no choice but to buy raw foods from these providers, make a weak bleach solution to sanitize what you bought because nobody is going to care for your health but you, yourself. I couldn’t imagine having a live-in elderly family member or an infant, that we don’t have more of a body-count from tainted and monstrously sourced foods is an absolute blessing.

French Cooking

Last night I got home and was faced with a quandary, what to make for dinner. The classic response to this is a battle royale where we struggle to figure out what the other person wants to eat, we compare what we have in the pantry and fridge and if we’re very lucky we can make something that if it isn’t what anyone really wanted, does at least dispel hunger for a while longer.

Last night I arrived home and looked in the freezer. I had previously used my FoodSaver system to secure/freeze a giant blister pack of chicken breasts, two at a time per bag and they were mocking me in the freezer. “Oh whatever will you do with us!? Try as you might, it’ll be either minimally acceptable or barely edible!” and it struck me that I had a copy of “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”, AKA, THE GREAT BOOK. (The Holy Bible is the Good Book, whereas the MAFC is THE GREAT BOOK. Accept that cookbooks > bibles and you’ll go far in understanding me!) So I grabbed the blessed tome of tasty and looked through the table of contents. Ever since becoming acceptably proficient in making Boeuf Bourguignon I’ve been itching to try more from THE GREAT BOOK. I discovered that what I had was 4 frozen “Supremes”, or so the French call them, and there was an entire section devoted to them in the MAFC. I opened the first recipe “Supremes De Volaille A Blanc” and looked over the plan. I had nearly every ingredient on hand. On the sheer thrill of trying something from the MAFC I thought about a side-dish that I could make and remembered that two days ago I had watched an episode of French Cooking (yes, the B&W one, Julia herself, soldiering on, and yes, on our HDTV) where she featured potatoes as the theme. She had prepared Gratin Dauphinois and watching her became a clip-meme that was bounding around in my head since I saw it. I decided that I would look it up, found it, again had a good number of the ingredients already on-hand and that became side #1. As I pondered over the MAFC it struck me that I had a main course, a side-dish featuring potatoes, but no vegetable! (I don’t regard potato as a vegetable, I regard it rightly, as a pillar of cuisine, I’m Irish, deal with it.) I then scanned the MAFC and briefly chuckled at my hubris, that I would take on not one but three untried recipes singlehandedly. For the vegetable side I selected Carottes A La Concierge. I marked the three recipes using slips of paper (I need a set of five bookmarks to just keep in THE GREAT BOOK itself I think) and had a list of things I needed to get at the market. I was able to acquire the ingredients for this hubristic cavalcade for just under $20, which was just about all I had left in my food budget.

Once I returned from the market with my supplies I got down to thinking about something I need more experience in, which is kitchen timing. Which dish do you start with? How do you manage mise-en-place with hot components, and how can you work three MAFC recipes with a kitchen as woefully tiny as mine? I enlisted a friend in vegetation disassembly but once I had everything I was pretty much on my own. Let it be clear, I was on my own by design, many offered to help but working with the MAFC is a one-man-one-book-one-sharp-knife deal. I started the Dauphinois first, since it needed to bake for at least half an hour in a blazing box at 400 degrees. I then got the ‘Carottes’ dish off the ground and started both it’s primary section and it’s attendant sauce and finally worked on the Supremes, and their attendant sauce.

The first thing that occurred to me as I promptly botched the prep for the Dauphinois was that Julia’s two pounds of potatoes is kind of a winking joke. There was no way that two pounds of potatoes were going to actually come together properly, it’s actually about 1 pound 12 ounces that you need. Julia’s estimations aren’t wrong, for her tools they were probably just right, but for me and mine, yikes. I was able to salvage the botched prep on the Dauphinois and then the first durable lesson popped out at me, that dogmatically following these recipes would be an utter disaster. If you want to cook French properly, you have to follow Julia’s suggestions on her video programs and cook by the seat of your pants, the recipe as a rough guide, not a scaffolding or a plug-and-play situation as I originally approached them as. Along with the potato oddity the instruction that a supreme should be able to cook to done in a 400 degree oven in 6 minutes from raw was dangerously off. I was really concerned about this because the 6 minutes passed and my probe thermometer showed an internal temperature of 108 degrees for the Supremes. I sat there thinking about why I read “6 minutes, maybe a moment more” when my common sense is screaming “try 14 ya dumbass! Yer gonna kill someone with raw chicken!” and then it struck me like a ton of bricks. Julia Child, and the MAFC was written when Supremes were of a certain size. Yes kids, we have witnessed a definite manipulation of CHICKEN. My Supremes were 3 times bigger than Julia’s! Each! So armed with my probe thermometer I let the Supremes go for nearly 17 minutes, checking every few minutes until they got to 150. I knew they would coast all the way to done at 160 and I knew that they were rendered “safe” at 140.

As the Supremes coasted and rested I was able to turn my attention to the sauces. Once I got them whipped into shape I pulled out the Dauphinois and looked down and into the casserole dish I had prepped them in. I couldn’t face them if they were as I feared, goopy and overdone or raw vegetal nasty underdone. I was absolutely convinced that the Dauphinois was an utter loss. I reached in, grabbed them, and pulled them out. As I set it down on the counter I peered in, steeling myself for the absolute worst. Well, as it turns out, they came out perfectly. They were not goopy, nor were they underdone. I reflected on the Dauphinois, it wasn’t difficult to throw together and the recipe is deliriously (and thankfully) resistant to botching, even if you utterly botch the prep! With one success under my belt for the night I covered the Dauphinois and got back to everything else. I added the egg/cream thickener to the ‘Carottes’ and what was a dingy speckled thin mess became a mustard colored dingy speckled thin mess. I let it simmer for a long while and in the end I figured this would be my failure. I poured the sauce onto the ‘Carottes’ and covered it all up and let it rest.

All in all I was facing plating and presentation, the Dauphinois was a great surprise, and I could handle the failure of the ‘Carottes’ if the Supremes worked. As everyone congregated I uncovered the Supremes and started to plate them each out, 1 Supreme per person. I got out the forks and I showed off all that I had done. The sauces sensed my foreboding and thickened magically and when I uncovered the ‘Carottes’ dish, they were PERFECT. Everyone dug in and in the end I had a lot of clean plates and very happy diners.

I must admit that I did not suffer for my hubris, and now I have experience in these particular dishes I now feel more at home in the MAFC than ever. I find myself itching to try other recipes in the MAFC, and a part of me would love to whip up something for my folks in Rock Hill when we go on vacation.

Which brings me to another thing I’ve discovered. There is a kind of magic in cooking. It’s a feeling I haven’t felt since my early years at SUNY Buffalo. Watching the loom of the kitchen work, all the ingredients coming together, the amazement at the complexity of some of these dishes and the utter surprise when they are successes feels a lot like hacking away, writing code in whatever programming language, and creating something. That I think is the same rush that painters feel when their work is done, when a sculptor chips the last bit of marble off, when a thing is created, new, and it was all your doing that made it happen. I also firmly believe that the loom of the kitchen cannot operate properly unless emotions are also present in the room, and all of them too, hope, compassion, love, rage, will, avarice, and fear. It’s why I could never cook like this on a timer, for money, I could never be a professional chef. I care too much, I think. It’s also a kind of therapy I think, definitely a giant batch of crack for a Cancer such as myself to cook this way. There is something utterly delightful and perfectly wonderful in creating truly amazing dishes. The MAFC may be a doorway for me to find my Art.

Only time will tell.

SmashBurger – Kalamazoo, MI

Today, on August 11th, 2010 a new burger joint called SmashBurger opened on West Main Road in Kalamazoo, MI. Scott, Craig, and I decided to try them out for dinner, along with a fair amount of the rest of Kalamazoo, they were very very busy.

I had a Classic SmashBurger, Scott put together one of his own featuring sauteed mushrooms and onions and Craig had a Michigan Olive Burger. For sides, Scott had the classic french fries, and I had deep-fried Dill pickles.

We walked into a clean and orderly restaurant with a very compact and on-first-glance well designed approach and order area, we ordered our food, the total for Scott and my meal came to just under $20. Craig’s came out to just about $10. After we ordered we were given a number flag that went with our order and wandered away. The first failure hit then, we weren’t given cups that went along with our order and had to ask for them, this isn’t anything out of the ordinary as we have to do that for a few restaurants in the area. Once we had our cups, that’s when we ran into our first problem. The fountain service is to the far left and it is not at all obvious where the lids are kept. I walked up to the fountain depot and already the Low Ice alarm light was blinking. I put my 16oz cup under the Coke Zero spigot and tried it, the Coke Zero sprayed horizontally and covered my hand with mix and a big carbonated squeal. Only when I looked much closer did I discover that there was an “Out Of Order” label that was printed using black ink on a clear plastic label and attached to a dark piece of plastic just under the Coke Zero display. I got slightly vexed and switched to Diet Coke instead, which was just as well. With my hands covered in Coke Zero mix and what amounted to fizzy club soda I walked back to the bathrooms. What I expected was a standard restaurant bathroom setup, Men/Women, big enough for multiple users at once. SmashBurger’s bathrooms were single use rooms and there was a line of 4 men doing the pee-pee dance, I didn’t need to wash my hands THAT badly. As I walked to the bathrooms I was amazed at how much space was wasted in the long hallways to the bathroom area, whoever designed the layout to that restaurant did them a disservice.

Once I returned to the table we waited for our meals to be walked out to us. It quickly struck us that nobody was really paying any attention to the number-flag system for the orders and they were wandering around asking people what they ordered and seeing if it matched what they were carrying. Scott and I got our food first, then after a few minutes Craig got his order. I immediately had a problem with what I saw in my order, The Burger I ordered was delivered open-faced and the patty/cheese combo was wedged underneath the tureen that held my side-dish. When I moved the tureen I saw that some of the cheese was stuck to it and came away from the burger. So right from the start my food was smushed up against the outside of another serving dish and I had to fight down a little bit of irritation, it didn’t *have* to be that way. On to the burger itself, it had it’s own problems. The SmashBurger Burger that I received was assembled hastily and the burger began to immediately fragment as I started to manipulate it on the serving dish it came on, trying to pick it up. As I started to eat I noticed not a dripping of meat juices but a veritable raining / deluge of juices running out. SmashBurger cheats. They sear and sling, the meat doesn’t have time to dry out since it’s delivered in a heartbeat right off the grill. As I ate, I had to lean very far forward so the gushing juices could land in the serving dish and not against my shirt or in my lap. As I ate, the meat slid to one side and the vegetation slid to the other side. This was because the burger was sent out of the kitchen open-faced. The meat didn’t have time to melt the cheese and help the vegetation stay in place. As I ate it was mostly the hamburger first, and then at the end a bread-covered salad. Once I was done speed-eating the burger (since it was gushing juices so very much) I reorganized my dishes and tried the fried pickles.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a salt hound. I love salt, I can’t get enough of salt and I always season everything to my liking and it’s always proper. Even I, as a salt hound, found the fried pickles to be shockingly salty. The taste was SSSAAALLLTTT pickle dill.

After I finished my meal and my drink I got to thinking about how everything was organized in this restaurant. There are no “Meals” or “Baskets”, everything is a-la-carte, you get a dollar discount on the sides if you order a sandwich, but that’s it. I started polling the table for opinions and Scott was very displeased and Craig was shrugging along with the rest of us. What we got wasn’t $20 worth of food, at most it was $12 worth of food. SmashBurger is in direct competition with Culvers, and from what we saw tonight SmashBurger will not be able to compete with Culvers. I posed a question to the table, “If you had a half-tank of gas, as we do now, and you were driving from downtown, would you stop here and have dinner or would you drive on another 5 minutes and go down 9th Street to the Culvers by the I-94 interchange?” Everyone was in agreement that Culvers would be the preferred destination by far.

Earlier today we stopped at Culvers for lunch and I had a vastly superior burger and fries, Scott got a burger and chili-cheese fries and the total was $15.03 for the entire meal, with fountain drinks. Culvers superiority coupled with it’s relative inexpensiveness in comparison with SmashBurger is really damning.

On our way out of the restaurant we were effectively trapped and prevented in our leaving by a SmashBurger employee who took it upon themselves to begin spraying the glass door with Windex and wiping it down. There is only one door, and there we stood for about 30 seconds while we waited for the SmashBurger employee to conclude their needless glass cleaning task. It stunned me, that they elect to have someone wiping down the glass doors during the massively busy dinner crowd, just getting in the way, preventing people from entering or leaving. Since this was the ONLY DOOR in or out I did feel a slight shine of irritation that I couldn’t exit until they were done doing a needless task.

The manager of the establishment was wandering around like a lost puppy bumping into customers and tables, during the mad dinner press he was bounding from table to table, getting in the way. He asked how everything was and Scott and Craig were fine, I was busy chewing. By the time I was done he had bounded off to another table. What I had to say wouldn’t have made him feel very good anyways, so I kept my peace.

SmashBurger enjoyed an insanely busy opening day, the honeymoon period in it’s prime. After our experience we decided that we would give SmashBurger one more shot, and we’ll do so on September 11th, 2010 – one calendar month from now. Scott mentioned “If they are still open by then…”

Then once we were in the car, I asked everyone for their ranking scale and the score they gave SmashBurger Kalamazoo. Scott gave them 2/5. Craig gave them 2.5/5. My score is 1/5.

One thing that struck me was, SmashBurger’s grand opening could have been far more successful if they had tried a soft open a week earlier with invited guests. “Please come to our new Restaurant and have a meal on us, critical feedback is greatly appreciated” and that would have caught the lid problem, the label problem, and most likely the salt problem.

I don’t see SmashBurger being very successful, I see the competition walking away with their money. There are so many other better places to eat lunch or dinner with similar themes. Culvers, Red Robin, and even Sonic are better than SmashBurger. I can agree with Scott, if they are around in a month, I’ll be surprised.

Mild Irritation of Obsidian Butterflies

Unlike the Death of Obsidian Butterflies, which is a neat little construct in the Exalted RPG, I am the unpleasant recipient of the Mild Irritation of Obsidian Butterflies. First while making Guacamole for friends that are house-sitting for us while we are off to San Diego Comic Con I regularly, and in this last instance accidentally missed scraping the lime zest with my handy-dandy microplane grater and accidentally grated a bit of my ring-finger knuckle. Nothing to bleed over, but enough to make the rest of the Guacamole a trip through pain-town and dinner, which was Greek Lemon Chicken Orzo soup to be exquisitely painful as raw lemon juice soaked into my boo-boo. It is only aggravated today by TotalTech. I ordered a data cable that will allow me to move data from machine to machine without savaging the local ethernet network. The adapter came in a box and wouldn’t you know it, I accidentally scrape the same boo-boo against the staples that they use to secure the shipping manifests to the cardboard boxes. Just a little glint of sharp staple point, not enough to make me bleed, but lucky enough to hit me in the EXACT SAME SPOT.

They weren’t trying to get me, so I’m not, and can’t be angry about any of this, but ouch, the mild irritation of obsidian butterflies. 😉

Best Bread Ever!

This recipe takes two days and creates a handy loaf of homemade bread, unit price per loaf is less than 50 Cents, 1 loaf can be a meal.

Ingredients –

  • 3C Water at 100°F
  • 2 Packets of regular Yeast
  • 6.5C of AP Flour
  • 2 tbsp Salt

Procedure – Wake up Yeast in 100° Water for 2-4 minutes. Stir vigorously to get them all distributed evenly. Put salt and flour in mixing bowl, mix them up. Pour water and yeast into mixing bowl and mix until the entire mass is turned into dough and there is no loose flour on the walls of the mixing bowl. If you have a stand mixer, dough hook attachment, 10 seconds for dry mix on 4, then likely 2-5 minutes on 4 to get the dough to form while pouring in the water and yeast. When the dough is completely formed, scoop out and put in a soup pot or plastic bin big enough to handle 4x it’s starting volume. Place pot or bin on countertop and cover. Leave it for 2 hours, then put it in the fridge overnight. Next morning take out the bin or pot, with a serrated knife hack it into 4-5 equal pieces. Prepare a work surface, put down some more flour, grab a hunk of dough and knead it into a ball, you want a taut drumhead surface and a bunched up bottom. Lube up cookie sheet, put bread on cookie sheet spaced an inch or more apart from each other. Melt half stick of butter, brush onto bread loaves. Fill oven-safe bowl with water, heat oven to 350°F. When oven is at 350°F, put bowl of water at the bottom rack, then bread on next highest rack. Bake for 40 minutes. Bread will be fragrant about 30 minutes in and will be an early warning that you are getting close. Pull at 40 minutes, bread should have a thump-able crust.

You can multiply this recipe as much as you like, either for your arm+mixing spoon or the size of your mixer. Recommend that if you want to multiply, mix in batches and set in batches. The dough is viable for 2 weeks in the refrigerator, the longer it goes the more complicated the flavors get as the yeast complete their life-cycle. You can dole out whatever shape bread you want, I prefer the 5 loaf approach because they are handy and makes enough for 4 people + 1 bakers loaf. You could incorporate mixins if you wanted or cover in cheeses or augment the butter or switch fats and go with olive or peanut oil to brush-on or you could skip the fats altogether. Up to you. One important thing to note, this bread requires absolutely NO KNEADING. Bread needs gluten to form properly, gluten can either be kneaded in or ‘waited for’. I elect to wait for gluten to form, makes for a much moister interior and a more satisfying texture.

This recipe is from the “Artisan Bread” recipe available on splendidtable.org. I heard it on the program, made it once, fell in love. Everyone should listen to The Splendid Table! With these loaves made, you can have a loaf or two a day and if you are trying to eat without chemicals and to do so incredibly cheaply, you cannot go wrong. I imagine that if you hollowed out these loaves and put in a thick soup, you’d be able to make bread-bowl-soup, quite delicious, for pennies on the dollar for what you’d pay at Panera, for example.

With good clean water, you know EXACTLY what you are eating. No preservatives, no chemicals, nothing but yeast, water, salt and flour. If you want to use different flours, feel free. Don’t know what happens if you use something that isn’t as balanced as AP Flour. Bread Flour might make a really rough-and-tumble loaf, pastry flour would probably just puddle or flop about. If you attempted to use a different starch, like arrowroot or rice flour, I have no idea what might happen, no gluten, no structure *shrug*

Creamy Penne Primavera with Chicken

Just made this up on the spot. What an awesome meal.

Here goes:

Ingredients –

  1. 1 head of Broccoli, crowns and stem
  2. Handful of Green Beans (fresh)
  3. 2 carrots
  4. 1 red pepper
  5. 1 small white onion
  6. 2 small breasts of Chicken
  7. 1 pound of Penne Rigate Pasta
  8. 1 Pint of Heavy Whipping Cream
  9. 2 Shallots
  10. 1 1/2 sticks of Salted Butter
  11. 2 Cups Parmesan Cheese, ground
  12. Salt
  13. Pepper
  14. Olive Oil

Procedure –

Cut all veg into bite size pieces. Cube chicken. Boil Water. Put 2 tbsp of Olive Oil into large enough pot and sweat the veg. Put the Penne Rigate into the boiling water and cook until Al Dente, drain and put aside. Saute Chicken in 1 tbsp of Olive Oil with a little salt and pepper, when done, put aside. When the veg is sweated well, put aside. In saucepan melt butter for a few minutes (golden brown), mince the shallots, saute shallots in the butter for a few minutes, until they are lightly caramelized. Pour the heavy whipping cream in, simmer for 5 to 7 minutes until it is reduced by a third. Add Parmesan Cheese and continue to simmer for 1 to 2 minutes, gently reduce heat while it simmers. In a larger pot, add pasta, veg, chicken, and sauce. Stir. Let stand for 5 minutes, then serve.