“Explore the room you’re in as if you’re seeing it for the first time. Pretend you know nothing. What do you see? Who is the person who lives there?”

I see a room designed to sit and read, nap, or idly daydream out of the giant picture window across the room. There is a lot of glasswork, art, and the tables are cluttered with knick-knacks that certainly mean something to the people who placed them there. There are some cards on the nearby coffee table, they are Valentines Day Cards, the people who live here are obviously in love with each other. There are two large delft-style floor pillows arrayed on the floor sprinkled with cat hair, so two very spoiled felines must live here.

Thank god we cleaned this room. 🙂

Write about the last disagreement you had with a friend or family member — from their perspective. 

The last real disagreement I had was with someone I’ve wanted to not have these disagreements with but find myself utterly incapable of avoiding. In their perspective I am just too young and too idealistic, too liberal, too bleeding heart for my own good and if I would just listen I would see how rational and logical the other side is and agree.

But I just can’t. Instead of perpetuating the discord I told him that I was willing to talk about any subject but that one. That I am done. In fact, I’m tired of politics in general. Talking to anyone else about politics is an exercise in monologue delivery. Nobody is listening, nobody wants to listen. So firmly entrenched and really, when it comes down to it, who am I to suggest it be any other way? Life is comfortable in the way that it has come to be. Railing against a comfortable life is disrespectful and fruitless.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that arguments are stupid. If there is a disagreement, it’s best to cease discussions and avoid the subject in the future. When it comes up, change subjects. If it’s unavoidable, fake either a medical emergency or configure your phone to go off and fake another kind of emergency. People are far too interested in trolling and getting a rise out of others for their jollies than taking anyone else seriously. Avoid politics, religion, and the climate. Everything else doesn’t matter and doesn’t end up as fodder for arguments. There are some questions posed to anyone that are ticking time bombs. Things like “What do you think of Abortion?” Those kinds of questions, if they ever come up should be a clear signal to anyone who wishes to save their own hide to flee as fast and as far away from that particular ground zero as you can possibly get. If you have to throw yourself out the window, then by all means, prepare for a drop.

Another thing that I’ve learned is that even if you can’t escape, even if you can’t fake a seizure or a stroke, if your phone can’t get you out of the briar-patch that you’ve found yourself stuck in, there is always glorious liquor. Find something around 80 proof and let it carry you away. Nothing beats alcoholism when you are trapped with no way to escape. They may have your body, but they won’t ever have your alcohol-addled mind.

“Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.”

This is easy. Anyone who knows me knows that my treasure is my sense of humor. I’ve also cultivated a sense of the obscure, the trivial, and a huge library of movie quotes which tends to make people do double-takes when I say something they don’t expect, but are accurate. Along with my sense of humor I pride myself on a good vocabulary and the willingness to use it. I don’t play coy, take stabs of innuendo or work much with subtlety. I prefer direct communication, being blunt, and not being shy about what I think when I tell others. Often times I’ll hear people exclaim to me “Oh Andy, tell us how you really feel!” because I’ve said something that is quite obvious but possibly upsetting. I suppose my issue is I hate bandying around the bush. If something bothers you, come out with it. Say it. Put a voice to your feelings and share them. If you just sit on bad feelings they can become physical manifestations and really hurt you. Resentment, anger, irritation – they all can lead to stress, sleeplessness, worry, and if left too long, they can become a real illness.

I can also almost instantly get an intuitive feel for the emotional state of a room. I can tell when people are upset or angry and often times this sixth-sense of mine plays tricks on me. I tend to reflect the prevailing emotional energy dwelling in a space. If I’m with someone who is angry or disappointed then I am angry and disappointed. Often a lot of this comes out unintentionally and if I stop to think about it, the issues evaporate as I stop reflecting the energy that I’m floating around in. I suppose it’s an irreducible vestige of previous issues with codependency. I think over time I’ll get a better handle on it and instead of reflecting it, be able to manipulate it and better manage it.

So, in a way, I’m more complicated and more trouble than most people assume at first glance. Sometimes it draws people to me, sometimes the opposite. I do not let those that don’t appreciate me for who I am bother me. I put those people in the dark and ignore them. They are just as happy being in the dark and ignored than if they were in the light and included.