Category Archives: LiveJournal

Fey

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LiveJournal – 3/21/1999

I find myself before the front door of my best friends house, Mark. I knock on the door and he answers – walking out into the driveway before his door. We begin to talk of old times as we start to walk out to his car. What I remember to be a simple Buick form is replaced by a terribly helter-skelter chopjob vehicle with disparate parts all welded together and unpainted except for patches of blue around the top of the garish vehicle. I look back towards Mark’s house and the ground is covered in ghostly afterimages of champagne glasses occupying each square foot of the ground around my feet. [SCENE SHIFT]

Standing beside a large dark rock I recognized off into the distance what at first appeared to be simple fireflies. These fireflies got larger as they approached and stopped appearing anything like regular fireflies. The warm diffuse of peach flavored light surrounded their heads and rolled about, from the inside to the outside carrying small flecks of silver and blue dots in the peach fuzz that surrounded their personages. Spotting me and my companion they started towards us cautiously until my companion started after them. They immediately flew apart like a murder of crows to an oncoming hiker. Filtering into the surrounding woodlands I watched as they flitted about – with such dexterity and speed as I’ve never experienced before. I explained to my companion that these were most likely Sidhe fairies and that we’ve crossed one of their trods by mistake. At hearing my voice the fey came coursing out of the woodland and surrounded me. My companion leads us to a church where under the guise of contacting someone else, he contacts the authorities. He tells us all what he has done minutes before the authorities arrive to the church. I stare at the Fey surrounding me and most appear to be very small and very young looking children, some look to be quite aged – but only so in the eyes. If you gaze into their eyes you can almost make out on the periphery of your field of vision their true natures, making out the deep lines that mark their very old faces. However by simple gaze or even a glance they appear to have the cast of a child surrounding them. I explain to my companion that these creatures have been around since Prime and that they serve no ill purpose whatsoever. I admonish my companion with talk of human curiosity and the raping of discovery that will most definitely occur when the authorities apprehend the Fey we have corralled. The authorities are almost upon us as I look to the strange congregation before me and explain to them in friendly terms how they have to approach this situation and outlast it. I tell them that they have to apply a bit of glam to their personages in order to generate an even heartbeat, for Fey do not have hearts. They nod and smile, each face an innocent reminder of childhood in both myself and my companion. My companion now is starting to shed tears for his mistake at calling the authorities. The peach colored halo that surrounds their heads flickers stronger for brief moments with rivers of silver and blue running like liquid electricity around this peach torus that surrounds them. When the authorities open the door the halos evaporate.

Grow Lights

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LiveJournal 2/13/2003

What I remember from last nights dreams don’t add up to much at all. I was back in Buffalo wandering across a grassy field in front of fraternity row. I had tickets in my hands to watch some kind of field sport played between two teams and the “gist” of the game was “the fighting eagles”. I turned to the first open field I saw and I saw people playing a field game, and asked someone at random who was playing and their response was “the buzzing mosquitos”, then the scene went all wobbly and I could see a whole series of fields going up like a ladder, each one expressing some type of larger conflict. I’m not too sure what was at the end, wether it was indeed the eagles or the flying wooly mammoths. After that dream I slipped into another one in a hardware store, where everything was covered in a fine dust and the clerk behind the checkout counter was so old and stationary as to be covered in the same layer of dust, all that was moving was his big white eyebrows, as if he was dreaming. I asked him if he had any grow-lights for plants and he beamed, ran into the back room behind the counter and came out with a dozen boxes all containing a grow-litebulb for plants. He commented that nobody wants them anymore and he starts to scrape off the old pricetags, $90.95 the stickers say. He puts them all in a bag and hands them to me like it is some kind of gift, then I pop awake right after that.

Power Outage

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LiveJournal from 4/25/2002

It’s a sunny april day and I’ve decided to take today off sick, primarily because I haven’t been sleeping well as of late and secondarily because today looks to be so great outside and I think I deserve the little break. 
Last night a monstrous cold front moved through the area very quickly which brought with it some massive winds, up in the range of 40mph and up. Evidently these winds were strong enough that when I went to go pick up Scott at work last night at 11:45pm I found myself driving down Westnedge Avenue on a city block that had no power running into it. It was such a surreal experience that I felt compelled to write about it today here in the journal. It was a strange feeling, driving into a zone of darkness left the impression of nothing new but rather the new feeling of something absent. It was ephemeral, like something just oozing out the side of consciousness, the feeling was fleeting and spry but if you tried to ignore it it would dash back in front of you and play around. All of the buildings looked so terribly strange, as if by extinguishing all the light they became the true empty shells that they really were. This lead me to the idea that all the attendant lights, the floodlamps, the little nightlights and the perpetual glow from fluorescent tubes all created this kind of fuzzy zone of intended purpose, that these buildings could spring back to life at the flick of a switch. Instead what I saw and felt was rather a nagging impression that these buildings would never be lit again, or at least they never would be lit in the same way as before now that I saw them robbed of their background personalities and exposed for what they are, cinderblock loneliness covered in plastic and asphalt.

All that's old is new again

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LiveJournal from 2/11/2003

Dull meetings abound, but alas, they are done. I’ve started my weight loss regimen in order to ultimately lose “1 small child” from my overall weight. I’ve decided on replacing two meals with Slim-Fast (which doesn’t have such a horrible aftertaste if you get it very cold and then chase it with water just afterwards) and two snacks in the middle of the day. The first snack is a D’anjou Pear cut into sections and 1 yogurt, then the afternoon is 1 Navel Orange cut into sections (ripped), and 1 yogurt. 

I’ve got a theory that no dietician is actually correct, that they are very much like blind men wandering around an elephant, each one noticing small bits but nobody really understanding the whole. I suppose what is supremely disturbing is that human beings don’t completely understand how human beings digest food and metabolize energy, each “dietician” has their own little gimmick and each one preaches something different. If you were to follow the food pyramid on the back of a loaf of bread, according to present conventional wisdom, you’d expand like a zodiac dinghy because of all the carbohydrates. Others seem to value one kind of energy over others, the all fat camp, the all protein camp, and the all onion-soup-and-cabbage camp. 🙂 I’ve decided to give up Soda-Pop mostly because after I started to read the analysis on the back of the canisters I discovered what I pretty much knew but chose to ignore – that soda is very much liquid candy. I’ve turned to fruits and vegetables to provide the small boosts in bloodsugar that help me stay awake and functioning at work and trying to pare down the amount I eat without really worrying about *what* it is that I eat. I figure as long as I’m not snarfing down logs of lard soaked in bacon fat and butter with a rod of pure cane sugar running thru the middle I think I’ll be ok. My problem with diets that many people are on is in the overall stress they have at having nearly zero selections other than this one type of foodstuff that isn’t as popular as your average American Fast Food Item and then railing at some idea that if you were just faithful to the diet it would work, you can’t injure an idea no matter how angry one gets. While on my diet I haven’t lost any weight however I am getting smaller, so I have this fanciful notion that all my working out (carido, 10.8 miles of biking) combined with the shift and regularity of my food intake may mean that I am gaining muscle mass and losing fat mass, then again, maybe not. I must also consider that I am a slave to my setpoint, that I can try to lose weight but my system will just reject it and preserve where I am for as long as it can, and there in lies the awfulness of diets – how to break thru so you see progress. Doctors have told me that an adult human male who is 6’3” must consume 2500 calories to remain alive, however I consider that I’m doing quite well on 800-1200 calories a day and nothing seems to happen. One other thought along with this is some kind of overall spooling effect, that indeed I’m changing my body chemistry and raising my metabolism and there will be a day when my body decides, “Fine, to hell with this…” and starts shrinking.

I suppose in the end short-term results are always going to lead to some type of heartache because for me a diet isn’t something I have to try, it’s got to be a radical shift in how I perceive food, a long-haul approach. The biggest hurdle deep down in my mind is the ability to let food go, to either box it up for later or leave some behind – perhaps for many of us there is a karmic pressure to never leave a plate without it being cleaned because at one point we died starving and vowed we’d rather die of being too fat than being too thin. Now we get to my question for those that are still with me and reading, I’m faced with a small decision, here it is:

I have a membership to a “Health Club” (used only in the most tangential of definitions) that will run until August of 2003. This place is 1/2 ok, 1/2 abhorrent, they have proven themselves to be a pack of liars and lazy dullards and their management is knitted together by an ever changing pile of “kids” trying to make something work that really isn’t. Would it be wiser to purchase a membership with the University Student Recreation Center (SRC) for $75 and simply let the other place go to expiry and forget it, or would it make more sense to use what already exists in the University to my advantage. The benefits of the SRC is that it’s CLEAN and managed by people who at least are bound to the rules of the university. If I do choose the university would it be better to pay outright or trade Sick Leave for access, even tho trading Sick Leave alters my W-2 withholding slightly? I’m leaning on going to the SRC but since I have this new journal I thought perhaps input from my readers would be a valuable source of opinions.