Most Blasphemy Ever

While I was helping a coworker move some really heavy boxes of paper product around the office I had a very very blasphemous thought run through my head. Imagine, if you will, our big red hand-truck, also called a dolly. Now, tape a giant brassière to it and then put it in saffron-colored robes with a pointy yellow hat.

It’s a Dolly Dalai dolly.

Yes yes yes I know, a particular hatchway to hell just popped open for me. I am a bad bad man. 🙂 Oh but the giggles from that image will hang around me for DAYS.

Of Horses and Water

The old saying “You can lead a Horse to water, but you can’t make him drink” hits me quite often at work. I thought the introduction of two new WordPress-powered P2-themed blogs at work would be better received but as it is, the only people actually engaging with them are the core people who started the boulder rolling for social media itself here in our office.

It’s just a little dismaying when you park the Horse in a field of water and oats and it just stands there looking at you. I think my expectations are just too much for a lot of my coworkers, and I can’t really blame them. There is only a scant minority of people here who have a true addiction to shiny, and I’m one of them. I think one of the reasons why the adoption rate is so low is because of how WordPress arranges user accounts. People get invited to partake in a blog and the first thing that they are faced with is a very forward WordPress presentation urging them to create their own blogs. There is a part of me that wishes I could create usernames and passwords for my coworkers to use our WordPress.com blogs FOR THEM. Alas, it’s just one more attempt to get the horse to drink the water or eat the food. I kind of think of it as “Ok, we’ve got the Horse in the water, the food is right here, lets strap a huge weight on his head and force his face into the water and food, maybe that’ll do it.” and all I get is a kind of annoyed glare from the horse.

So what’s the value of these WordPress Blogs? Why continue them and maintain them if nobody is going to use them? I thought about that as well. There is a minimum value in these blogs, in a way I’m a horse that wandered along side the other one and saw all the water and oats and is effectively pigging out. Really, seriously, these P2 blogs are excellent log-keepers, much like “Captains Log” on Star Trek. I can use these and smile wanly that my response rate was about 5% for anyone else to use these resources. At least I don’t have to worry that my horse will explode from eating and drinking, yay for metaphorical bottomless horses.

Twitter Happiness Scree

I wrote a series of tweets last night and apparently fell into a rut of profundity. I’ll string them together here for posterity and to share the entire run, since apparently when I get worked up it ends up going on Twitter and not WordPress, which actually I have to work on.

bluedepth
For having infinite faculties, humanity is so very quick to give up on itself and pray to God for intervention. Life is a DIY project!
3/31/11 1:43 AM
bluedepth
Quite tired of how easily people roll over. One peek of hardship and it’s always with the scampering to God, or Jesus. How about yourself?
3/31/11 1:45 AM
bluedepth
Here’s a novel idea: Pray to yourself to get yourself out of trouble. Because, in a way, aren’t you ALREADY DOING THAT? Skip the middlemen!
3/31/11 1:46 AM
bluedepth
Life is hard, Love sucks, People are ugly monsters, but when you find true happiness, THAT is what all this is for. And much like +
3/31/11 1:48 AM
bluedepth
+ everything else in life, a little bit of happiness goes a long way! Same with toothpaste and shampoo. If you can’t find happiness, +
3/31/11 1:49 AM
bluedepth
+ look closer, it’s all around you. You don’t need God, Jesus, or any of the saints to grab a hyacinth, close your eyes and be happy in +
3/31/11 1:50 AM
bluedepth
+ the right here and right now. It’s that sort of thing people have to look for and savor.
3/31/11 1:51 AM
bluedepth
It’s important to close your eyes and shut out the nasty just for a little bit. Do something for just yourself, something good, something+
3/31/11 1:53 AM
bluedepth
+private. No matter what happens, nothing can touch that moment.
3/31/11 1:53 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum…

A few weeks ago I was involved in an accident. I was behind a pickup truck, the rest of the group of cars pulled away from the stop light and so did I, but not the fellow in the pickup truck directly in front of me. I essentially rammed (3 mph ram?) into his rear bumper doing about $1700 worth of damage to my car. I of course was in the wrong and got a citation for my actions. The cost of the ticket was about $140 dollars. The deductible on my car was $500. The rental car I had was about $100 because I had taken extended insurance out on it just in case.

I was prepared for the ramifications of my actions and the two points on my driving record until I got a letter from the Michigan Secretary of States office (our DMV) stating that if I took and passed a “Basic Driver Education Program” that Michigan would effectively forget these two points existed, that my insurance company would never be notified, and the only mark on my record would be a line item for the infraction itself, but nothing more, and only visible to law enforcement. There was a menu of offers, most of them were $99 or higher and required a weekend someplace annoying like Houghton (insofar as it’s far away, I’ve never been to Houghton so I don’t know if it’s truly annoying or not) but there was one outfit called “I Drive Safely” that offered a $40 online course. I’ve been taking this course on-and-off for the past week. It was eight sections and covered things I already knew, but at least now I’ve kind of proven to the state that I know these things. So this morning I passed with flying colors (as I assumed I would) and I no longer have this rather lightweight cloud covering my life.

So ends this rather annoying chapter of my life, and I can move on. I’m very thankful that the state allows online courses as they are the most convenient. My results are going to be sent to the DMV today, so that concludes those two points and I can just be done with this entire affair and move on.

Favorite Lantern

Last night I had a complicated knot work of dreams and a central theme was this epic-level conflict that happens cyclically between ages of time. It was, I’m sure, inspired surely by The Wheel of Time, but there were elements dragged into the dream by DC comics twin events Blackest Night and Brightest Day. A pillar of this dream was a central figure that provided a safety net and a structure to ensure that the conflict was always won by the right, and not by the wrong.

I woke up with this idea in my head and I started to muse about what this might mean in the fictional DC Universe. It’s been a story theme that my favorite Green Lantern, Kyle Rayner, has served to hold up everything in the bleakest of times. For a while he was the only Lantern in the stories and the writers seem to enjoy using him as a character for these situations. Now that we’ve entered The GL War we’ve got all these emotions floating around and Kyle has already proven himself capable of surpassing fear in his willpower, so he’s one of the few who can cope with actually feeling things while maintaining his abilities. While the GL universe falls apart, it struck me that Kyle could once again play the role of torchbearer-in-dark-times by handling all seven emotional-spectrum rings, and there is a little part of me at thinks that Kyle could carry the White Lantern and play the part temporarily as he did when he served as the vessel for Ion. It’s just a shot in the dark, but perhaps that’s where DC will take the GL War. I’m always very excited whenever my favorite lantern gets some action. It’d definitely be gratifying to know that Kyle is always the go-to-Lantern leaving Hal in the dust. One can hope. 🙂

Firefox 4 Bug 632606

Looks like I found a rather silly bug that appears in Firefox 4 for Mac. It’s already known and up on Bugzilla as bug #632606. This is what happens:

  1. Start Firefox 4 on Mac OSX 10.6.6
  2. Drag primary Firefox window onto a MDP-connected secondary monitor
  3. Press Command-N. What should happen is Firefox creates a new web browser window. But in this state Firefox just ignores the command.
  4. If you drag the primary Firefox window back to the primary monitor, Command-N works just fine and dandy.
  5. If you drag it back and forth you can get this bug to show up or not.

So if anyone is out there and pounding away on Command-N or expecting your Download Manager window to appear, you might want to check to see if Firefox is on your primary or secondary display monitor.

Silly little bug, really. 🙂

Come Out Come Out

There’s been some chatter on Twitter about some gay people who believe that we shouldn’t have parades celebrating Gay Pride events. This touches on something that I’ve been saying personally for quite a while. Everyone must come out of the closet. Not just a few of us, but all of us. Only then will we be able to be taken seriously. By staying in the closet we are cowards. Cowards never win anything.

What other good things will come from a mass coming out? Imagine all the young ones, the 17, 18, and 19 year olds who feel utterly lost and alone. Think of the bullying they have to endure and they can’t go to anyone about it because the gay people in their lives are in the closet! If we all came out, and people saw just how really colorful life really is, then these kids would feel less like monsters, more like real people with real feelings, and they would likely know at least someone else who is just like them. Just imagine how quickly and easily a gay young man could come out of the closet if he knew that being gay was as acceptable as being straight and when he already knew at least 3 other people who were also gay. It could, and I hope for this, become so much of a non-issue that the entire idea of “Coming Out” evaporates. People are either straight, gay, or something in between.

The first step however is getting our rights, and to get those, we need to stand up and be seen.

What Big Anachronisms You Have!

Yesterday was a big day for WMU. To fit the occasion I felt it only right that I dress up for the part. An idea had been bouncing around in my mind for a while, wondering just how I would look if I tried to pull off a shirt/vest combination with nice pants and dress shoes. I set off on a mission. I had everything, the shoes, the socks, and the pants. All I really lacked was the button down shirt and the vest. I was thinking that monochromatic would be best, since white and black are always complimentary to each other and I don’t have to worry about color clashes. Many people who follow me on social media sites noticed that I was visiting a huge spate of retail establishments. I was searching for the perfect shirt and the perfect vest. The shirt was a cakewalk, I walked into Old Navy and found an acceptable formal-seeming white long sleeve button-down shirt on sale and took care of that angle. The vest was a wholly different matter. I stopped at TJ Maxx, Kohls, and eventually ended up at JC Penney’s. Each store save the last was a fool’s errand. When I got to Penneys I wandered my way towards formal menswear and saw a batch of vests on sale, but they only went up to a certain size. Anyone who has seen me knows that this winter I have morphed into a tubby bitch. As I wandered around I eventually got to one of the satellite counters and talked to the gentleman behind the formal menswear counter. He asked what size I was after and had the exact vest. It had everything I was looking for. It was a simple vest with fake pockets and it was half off on sale. I bought it, thanked him and with a sense of reward I beat a hasty retreat back home.

Then it hit me that now that I had all the pieces I didn’t really know where they all were. I knew I had dress pants, but not where. I knew I had shoes, but again not where. I never wear formal attire, my personal life is all about comfort and if people don’t like my clothing selections when I’m in my home they are free to leave. I also knew at least academically that at one point I had a steam iron. I started to assemble my outfit and found socks, pants, the shoes and with a lot of searching and cussing and swearing I discovered where the steam iron went off to. I lined everything up. The pants didn’t require ironing, neither did the vest. The shirt was a lamentable mess however and that did require some ironing. At that point it was 2:30am and showtime was later that day at 7:00am, so chop chop! I got my shirt ironed, I shaved, I trimmed what little hair I have left into a neat buzz and hit the hay.

The next morning I hopped out of bed, got fully awoken and started to get dressed. Everything went well and I was rather self-satisfied with how the bright white shirt contrasted against the black of the vest. Everything was going swimmingly until I put on those shoes. Now these shoes were the only formal black shoes that I own. Everything else is either brown, sneakers, boots, or gardening shoes. I slipped them on and discovered why they were buried in the bottom of a closet for years – they were an example of top-notch awfulness. Every step was annoying, this annoying eventually blossomed into sheer bolts of pain. Each step was an exploration of footwear hell. I started to question the sanity of anyone who would dare wear such footwear and that shoes like these are responsible for all the miserable wretched people out there. Of course, my day was only just beginning at 7am. Annoyance became pain after lunch, every step a breathtaking exploration in agony. After I got home I took off the blasted things and threw them in a corner “Blair Witch” style to quietly contemplate the reasons why I shouldn’t pitch them into a bonfire.

Ever since the event concluded I’ve been aching. The damn shoes gave me dual shin-splints. Even when I’m wearing great shoes now the pain lingers as my shins declare me to be an enemy of the body and enjoy reminding me that I am a prisoner to their merest hint of pain as I walk looking like I’m crossing a bed of hot coals.

Despite the shoes the rest of the outfit worked far better than my wildest dreams. Everyone, initially coworkers and eventually friends and family were utterly shocked to witness what I had done to myself. The two biggest comments were “WOW!” and “Man, don’t you clean up well!”. Apparently I’m just a Morlock Ragamuffin all the other days of my life. That’s actually fine. Morlocks know where the pipes go and which one steam-cooks the Eloi. I have to admit that the dress shirt and vest combination, with the stark contrast of black-on-white really looks quite good. The whole time I was shopping for the vest I was making little “come here” noises in department stores and trying to convince the normally retiring and nocturnal formal wear vest to come out of hiding and that it really was 1875 and not 2011. It’s a look that I have to be careful to not make a ‘thing’ all the time, because that’s tacky as hell.

So I raise my imaginary glass to the fine art of dressing oneself in one of the purest forms of anachronism. What works in 1875 certainly works in 2011. Hooray!

Historical

Operation Historic Moment has come and gone. The big news, now that the cat is out of the bag and rubbing up against your leg is that WMU received the biggest cash gift in our state, ever. The total is $100 Million dollars. This unthinkably large gift is a godsend, but alas is just the start of what is needed to start training real Doctors. I was centrally involved with a group of coworkers to design this project and bring it off successfully. My role was to address the technology we’d need to make all of this work properly. There were ups and downs and I learned a surprising amount from the experience that I will detail here.

The project had quite a number of technical components to it. Technology served a role at nearly each step of the process and many of the tools that were used made everything faster, better, and easier. The old aphorism that “proper organization will set you free” couldn’t ring any louder for us all than it did for all of our meetings to arrange this entire project. For me it started with tools that before this event I could have only dreamed for in Sci-fi. Specifically I speak of my iPad. My iPad was the perfect device. It was a communications hub, everything from email, my blog, to Twitter and Facebook were available to me whenever I needed them. The single app on the iPad that really helped the most was iThoughts HD. For each meeting we had, and there were many, I used this app to take dynamic notes and record the minutes of the meetings in a beautiful and straightforward fashion that I could then email to our management and show them our progress on the project. All they had to do was sit back and watch as we progressed. It was a delight to use and by suppressing an endless trail of scribbled and crossed out paperwork made what we accomplished in our meetings very easy on the eyes to read.
We had laid out our design from the very start. The first was a series of mystery QR codes that were distributed throughout town. Supermarkets, Delis, and popular hotspots throughout Kalamazoo were dressed up in these QR coded pages. The QR codes loaded a series of photos that lead to hints for anyone together enough to know what a QR was and to scan it. If I could do this part over I would have encoded all the URL’s for the photos using bit.ly so I could track their clickthrough rates and measure if anyone actually scanned any of these codes or if they are, as I feared, a flash in the pan. Thankfully the QR part of the project was free to implement and the only expense were the staff running around town posting these up all over.

The next big thing was the “Livestream” on the Internet. We had contacted a company and the original design was utterly fantastic. They would haul their own data over satellite service to their home office in Detroit and all we would have to do is cope with our network struggling under the strain of all the consumers pulling the live feed down from our vendor. For weeks we had this planned to the last item and then an unforeseen change of venue forced us to scrap the use of a satellite for data transmission. Suddenly we had to rely on our own network for both the upstream and downstream service. Several things from that point exploded in our faces, specifically a product from Cisco Services called CleanAccess was a problem. With the help of the venues IT manager we were able to get both the dry run and the main production signal off the ground and working properly. As some people have noticed, at showtime we suffered a rather embarrassing network failure at Western. Right now all we have are several competing theories, but they all describe the same problem – our event was so popular that our own network couldn’t cope. Personally I was beyond dismay, beyond embarrassment. I was logged into the Bernhard Center countdown clock hardware trying to display the livestream to everyone assembled there and the melted-down network wasn’t going to have any of it. As I sat there, thinking about all the upset people assembled for nothing in the Bernhard Center my mind raced with ways that I could have possibly addressed the situation. Some things did come immediately to mind and most of them involved not using any indigenous technology and relying instead on other Internet providers to ensure that things worked as designed. Like all other instances where something bad happens and you wish you could go backwards in time to fix it, there is no rescuing that mistake – only learning from it. I can’t say that I have much faith in our indigenous network provider, as it collapsed like a house of cards when our event started. I was afraid of network saturation and whatever the real cause was, I’d bet some real money that link saturation was at least a player in the drama. It stings when I have to admit that our successes are more dependent on non-indigenous resources than indigenous ones. It’s not that we actively selected against the indigenous systems, it’s just they never really even came up in our thoughts. I’m happy that much of what we attempted did work and upset that the one singular thing that we allowed to be handled indigenously was so embarrassingly fumbled. The only saving grace at the end is the notion that our message was so popular that it disabled a system designed to resist such things. The Internet really was never designed to resist popularity, only nuclear attack.

We also were responsible for the “Mystery Box” in Bernhard Center. This was a tease for the Countdown Clock Display that later on was constructed in the Mystery Boxes place. Our intent wasn’t to anger people by it’s placement, only to engage them and get them wondering what Western was up to. The clocks themselves were quite impressive and even still I’m amazed that we pulled it off as easily as we did. The clocks, all the guts, and the entire design came together so wonderfully that I still sit back and marvel at how it all played out. This build was rather involved for me and because of that fact, it was the place where most of my “little lessons” cluster. The displays themselves were investments, they cost a bit of money but we’re going to use the tarnation out of them and get every red cents worth out of them. The guts were repurposed technology from our own department and didn’t cost anything. Amongst the lessons I learned, when trying to force Firefox into a Kiosk you have to turn off updates, make sure screensavers and energy-saving features never get activated and to turn off Bluetooth. Because of the design we had to use two independent systems for the two displays, and this in itself created a rather embarrassing and inexplicable oddity to pop up. The two displays were almost perpetually out of time sync with one another. I really can’t explain it, both machines were in the same general space, there is nothing wrong with where they are, yet one machine counted time differently than the other. I have some theories that have to do with processor load and video processing issues and that is the only way I can explain it. The only other solution is that we had a temporal anomaly in the Bernhard Center. I’d expect a gaggle of dead students if we had a spatial anomaly, so it almost has to be my first theory that’s right. Anyhow, each night I would remote into the clocks and resync them. At worst they were about a minute off of each other but sync’ed well at night. The other lesson I learned was that WiFi is useful for many things, but you should never depend upon it. Drawing a network to the location was impossible but I do know what I would do differently next time. Next time I would acquire two free nearby wired network ports and I would set two 802.11N wifi access points on those lines and one machine per access point would be the rule, and the access points would have nothing at all to do with Tsunami, the default Western wifi SSID. Of course this would be a gross violation of network design and probably upset the indigenous service providers, but in some ways I can defend that approach because it would have likely not failed me. Alternatively I was considering acquiring two Verizon EVDO USB Network cards and using those as a wholly independent network sources for my display equipment.

Beyond the livestream and the clocks, the other bits of technology that we used were more bent towards helping us keep coordinated and organized. We made rather good use, even though it’s development was very late in the game, of WordPress.com itself. About 80% of the way through our project I started investigating WordPress.com’s P2 theme. The minute I started to play around with it I fell in love. P2 was perfect for so many things that were on my mind, a way to solve many workplace problems and the fact that WordPress.com was free, easy, so wonderfully supported, and quite robust was all just sauce for this goose. I created a private blog, added the P2 theme to it and rolled it out to everyone on our team. Of course since the blog came online about 80% too late, only a small amount of real work ended up being done with it, however even still, it served as a proof of concept and both P2 and WordPress.com have continuously proven to me just how good they are as a collaboration and communications platform, absolutely worthy of a “Bravo!”. The other system we used was more for coordination and that was GroupMe. I created a GroupMe account and group and populated it with my teammates who had SMS-capable cellular telephones, which was nearly all of them. GroupMe worked very well, and the only hesitation I have for really raving about them comes down to a misfired politeness feature in their core product. If you add a group of people to your GroupMe group and start using the product and some people don’t respond or actively join GroupMe declares that they aren’t in the group any longer out of politeness. Well, you can’t add them back in afterwards no matter how hard you try and some people aren’t supposed to reply, they are just supposed to witness and obtain an survey of the action, especially some in management. The GroupMe service would be better if there was a way to defeat the “politeness” feature and establish a hard-and-fast fixed group to receive text messages irrespective of whether they do or do not reply to any of those messages.
Now that the entire project is over, we are riding high on a wave of a job well done and looking at what failed and what we could have done to address those failures. Every mistake carries within it the seeds needed to avoid them in the future. We pulled off a massive and multifaceted campaign with six primary sectors and each one had fantastic leadership and an utterly delightful minimum of process-clogging bullshit. What lead to our successes? Empowerment, a lack of micromanagement, and utterly shocking levels of interdepartmental cooperation. Almost at every turn when we were afraid we would run into an intractable opponent we discovered to our dazzled chagrin that at each step we could find no enemies laying in wait for us with bear-traps, all we had were instant converts and cheerleaders. I’ve thanked our team many times in the past and once in a previous metablog post about the Western Express engagement platform, but there are some  other people who bear thanking now that I have a place to publicly do so:

  • Our own “Sensational Seven,” which I was a part. If people work this well together for other projects, beware. 🙂
  • Our Gold People. They remain anonymous but they know who they are and one or two may read this. Nothing like the magic of a mystery figure to goose a campaign right where it counts.
  • John Stanford at the College of Health and Human Services at WMU. Thank you for on-the-spot help and use of your Category 6 cabling.
  • Bernhard Center Management were stellar for this entire campaign. Kept what secrets you had to, asked no awkward questions, and went above and beyond with material and resource support. Knowing we had the staff of the Bernhard Center was absolutely instrumental in our Countdown Clocks working as well as they did.
  • All the Building Coordinators, especially CHHS and Fetzer Center, for being so wonderfully understanding and willing to facilitate our project.
  • Everyone else, I’m sure I’ve left someone out of this list, but if you were ‘in on it’ even if only a little bit, I thank you here and now.

What’s next? Well, it’s a great start for the Medical School, but in no way are we finished. The need is still very strong and this incredible gift is such a great start. There are more surprises yet to come and more engaging things that the University will see from us here in Development and Alumni Relations. We’ve only scratched the surface of what we can accomplish. As I told the powers that be when they took the reins back in October 2010, “All you need to do is press the Big Red Button.”

Zoom Zoom. 🙂

Loving Apple

I noticed at work after I logged on that everything was sluggish with using my Mac. Something that’s highly unusual. I thought it was a network issue and filed it away to look at later, I had other things to do. Then I had another one of my users ask if there was something going on that would cause sluggishness and then what was a postpone-able curiosity became a problem.

I checked everything and then I brought up my ARD window to my server, Atlas. There was a Time Machine error (which there often times are these days now that the Time Machine is full and it’s having to eliminate old backup sets, they aren’t upsetting errors and I just clear them and everything is fine) and then there was a message on my console “There is a serious event for your RAID controller, click here to start your RAID Controller program” so I did. Apparently the little battery that keeps the RAID controller alive during a power outage failed conditioning and is a dead duck. That explained the slowdown because when the battery dies in the RAID controller, the RAID controller goes into safe-mode and turns off Write Caching. That was the sluggish bit. I forced Write Caching back on because what the server doesn’t know (and really can’t) is that I have 5 huge lead-acid batteries serving as redundant UPS’s. So we aren’t in a life-or-death situation.

I called Apple Care and after a little wait I got to a nice lady who took my information and asked if I knew what I needed and I told her that I simply needed a new RAID Controller battery. She connected me with an Enterprise Apple Server tech who had me go through just 1 short step and then confirmed that I had a dead battery. He took my shipping information and said that the replacement battery would be delivered next-day and be there tomorrow. I thanked him and that was that.

Why did I enjoy it so much? Everyone was American and spoke clear accent-free English. They were friendly and approachable and they shepherded me through to the solution without defensiveness or caginess. From Hello, to whats wrong, to here’s a solution, to Goodbye. Smooth, quick, easy. That’s the way it is supposed to be!

One final little note… buy AppleCare. Just shut up and plunk down the money. It’s the best investment you will ever make. Don’t wonder, just do it. Trust me.