It’s good to be Irish today. The button nose, the freckles, the ungainly elbows and kneecaps all add up to feeling very special on a day like this one. Of course, we are a proud nationality. Proud of being rough, loud, drunk, and violent. Every other group out there still despises us and the Chinese just shrug. Everyone should keep in mind that when you make Corned Beef and Cabbage don’t thank the Irish, thank the Jews. They were the ones that took pity on us and our Pamphlet of Irish Cuisine and taught us how to feed ourselves on this day. Remember, the Irish only understand one kind of meat, that is, dark and tough, and only one method of cooking, which is boiling until everything tastes like tough tap water. The fact that we immigrated at all, that we built canals and railroads is less a testament to our cultures nutrition and more to our stubbornness in not dying easily.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Oh, and P.S. The snakes were the druids and pagans, so in a way the Church did to them what we did to the Native Americans. Glory days, all. 🙂