LiveJournal 4/6/2003 –
Well, surprise surprise surprise! It turns out that the US Military can’t find any of the much dreaded Weapons of Mass Destruction after all. So I can’t help but wonder why we are in Iraq? Oh yes, to free the people from their oppressive regime, so we can give them the same benefits of democracy that we’ve become accustomed to -=cough=-. The entire operation is starting to show it’s threadbare bits – why didn’t we just let the Iraqi people lead their own civil war or wait for their despotic leader to simply die of old age? First we beat the shit out of Afghanistan, now we’re bitch-slapping Iraq. I can’t but wonder what sandy oil-rich nation is next? Perhaps Saudi Arabia, they have a monarchy ripe for democracy, since Weapons of Mass Destruction is now a thinly veiled bid for popular re-election (er, re?) I can’t help but wonder what new excuse our proud and upright Misunderestimated Presidentiary will come up with next? We certainly have fallen off the beaten path when it comes to these wars:
Korea
Drugs
Illiteracy
Homelessness
Child Hunger
Terrorism
It’s definitely not manly to leave such wonderful opportunities for bloodshed unexplored Mr. Bush! I hate to state this of course, but wouldn’t the image of American and British troops flooding over your country while you were a small, impressionable little boy, watching your house and local hospital blow up because someone told someone who overheard it from someone else that there might be someone wearing black clothes somewhere in the vicinity of a city block from where you live – and that this psychological trauma, mixed with the notion that the United States needs to legislate Christian prayer during a time of war lead any small Iraqi boy to contact their nearest French or Jordanian weapons dealer, strap as much C4 as one can carry without tipping over and walk into something very fragile, like a fuel depot loaded with US Servicemen? Oh goodness no, our war for the “Hearts and Minds” of Iraq will be utter and complete I’m sure… I’m sure all the dead Iraqi fathers will be sure to tell their sons not to regard a white man in desert kahkis as someone to throw kerosene at… after all, dead fathers raise such balanced children. I just hope that the witless fool which is our esteemed President understands that while concentrating on his buff and raw masculinity in “Dealing with Saddam once and for all” that we’ve let all the other wars we need so very badly to identify us as Americans fall by the wayside and rot:
Kim Jong Il, case in point.
How many of your friends are hooked on something easily obtainable and dangerous?
Ask a random American to find two places on a globe: America and Iraq, then spin the globe and ask them to find China as quick as they can.
Our stunning Economic Boom has relieved us of the terror of unemployment and potential homelessness. The men and women walking around downtown with everything they possess in a shopping cart stolen from a supermarket are merely actors put on stage to remind people just how lucky we are to have such a caring and effective President when it comes to matters of Domestic Policy.
It’s been forever since a caring and well-educated Mother asked to trade her WIC and USDA food-stamp payments for Cigarettes while her svelt child looked on with pride and happiness.
By scarring the people of Iraq with the experience of War, we have saved them from the long drawn out agony of some sort of lengthy and dull diplomatic solution to the question of Weapons of Mass Destruction that, heh, might not really be there. I’m sure the proud and stalwart citizens of Iraq will have a good belly laugh about this whole thing once the US has established that we have won and that it is over Vietnam, and quite like the Vietnamese, welcome us with open arms and endeavor not to randomly explode busloads of Christian missonaries and the random US Embassy on accident.
Mr. Dubya Bush, YOU THE MAN!
I look forward to ANYONE ELSE in 2005! 🙂