As I sit here contemplating how to properly murder and dispose of a hated literary character, Karrin Murphy in the Jim Butcher series “The Dresden Files” it struck me how comic it would be if there was a funky bedroom cupboard or closet that had an odd Poltergeist/Neverending Story spatial rift in it connecting the fantastical worlds the central character reads with the real space in his room. So when he’s reading a book and hates a particular character, he gets to read about all the ways he’s tried to attack her in the book series. “Oh Harry, every time I open that closet I get attacked! First it was knives, then what had to be the business end of a flamethrower. Just last week I narrowly missed a bucket of bleach followed by a bucket of ammonia – I had to evacuate the house for three days to let the Chlorine gas escape. Harry, I think someone is trying to kill me.”

Yes Karrin, someone is. Next I’ll move on to rusty farm implements that I’ve stolen from the local Cracker Barrel. Try to escape those bits of flair ye harridan!

It’s not all the time that I’m so suffused with the raw urge to root for the monster to eat what I’m sure was originally planned to be one of the protagonists. But Light, what I wouldn’t give to watch Godzilla pop up out of Lake Michigan (the book setting is Chicago) rampage through the city, tear the roof off Karrin Murphys home and eat her, then burn the house to the ground and then stomp on it until it was flat.

All I can hope for is she develops some sort of new thing that puts her back in a coma. She was a much more pleasant character when she was in a coma.